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From: Wayne NMI Aiken To: All Msg #7, Dec-12-93 07:07PM Subject: Atheist Fortune Cookie quotes Organization: NCSU From: aiken@unity.cc.edu (Wayne NMI Aiken) Message-ID: <1993Dec13.030732.9777@ncsu.edu> Newsgroups: alt.atheism Following is the DIFF script between v1.0 and v1.1 of the new Alt.Atheism Fortune Cookie Quotes file. I'll repost it in its entirety if enough people want it; its about 174K long. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3,4c3,4 < *** Version: 1.0 < *** Date: 10-19-93 --- > *** Version: 1.1 > *** Date: December 12, 1993 109a110,118 > What a f iend we have in Jesus! > ------- > Blasphemy is a blast for me. > ------- > If you ask the wrong questions you > get answers like '42' or 'God'. > ------- > Keep Christ out of Christmas > ------- 115a125,130 > "Walking on water is easy. It is what we do for a > living. You just have to know where the rocks are. > Step from rock to rock, and those on the shore will > think you are performing a miracle." > [advice from professional prophets] > ------- 189c204 < Stefan-Boltzmann law for radiation, (H/E) --- > Stefan-Boltzmann law for radiation, (H/E) 315a331,334 > Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks > without knowledge, of things without parallel. > [Ambrose Bierce] > ------- 321a341,344 > "The Bible doesn't forbid suicide. It's Catholic directive, > intended to slow down their loss of martyrs." > [Ellen Blackstone] > ------- 392a416,425 > "Gilles de Rais supposedly sodimized, mutilated, and murdered more > than 700 children. At his trial he told of his usual procedure of > sexually assaulting boys, cutting open their chests and burying his face > in their lungs, and opening their abdomens and handling their intestines. > He also confessed to necrophilia with the dismembered bodies and to > attempted intercourse with a fetus he cut out of a pregnant woman. > At his trial de Rais REPENTED, and the bishop of Nantes WAS FORCED > TO RECEIVE HIM BACK INTO THE CHURCH." > [_Bodies_Under_Siege_ p.9-10] > ------- 409a443,445 > "If the Bible had said that Jonah swallowed the whale, I would believe it." > [William Jennings Bryan] > ------- 422a459,462 > "Why has a religious turn of mind always a > tendancy to narrow and harden the heart?" > [Robert Burns] > ------- 455a496,499 > "Who will venture to place the authority of > Copernicus above that of the Holy Spirit?" > [John Calvin, citing Ps. 93:1 in his Commentary on Genesis] > ------- 535a580,583 > "Kill them all. God will select those who should go > to heaven and those who should go to hell." > [Abbot Arnold de Citeaux, 1205] > ------- 577a626,633 > "If one were to take the bible seriously one would go mad. > But to take the bible seriously, one must be already mad." > [A. Crowley] > ------- > "I am a prophet sent by God to declare the destruction > of the United States because of abortion." > [Michael Courtney] > ------- 589a646,651 > "We are a people of faith. We have been so secure in that faith > that we have enshrined in our Constitution protection for people > who profess no faith. And good for us for doing so. That is > what the First Amendment is all about. " > [Pres. Bill Clinton] > ------- 606a669,707 > "Consider the idea of God. We do not know how it arose in the meme pool. > Probably it originated many times by independent 'mutation.' In any case, > it is very old indeed. How does it replicate itself? By the spoken and > written word, aided by great music and great art. Why does it have such > high survival value? Remember that 'survival value' here does not mean > value for a gene in a gene pool, but value for a meme in a meme pool. The > question really means: What is it about the idea of a god that gives it its > stability and penetrance in the cultural environment? The survival value of > the god meme in the meme pool results from its great psychological appeal. > It provides a superficially plausible answer to deep and troubling > questions about existence. It suggests that injustices in this world may be > rectified in the next. The 'everlasting arms' hold out a cushion against > our own inadequacies which, like a doctor's placebo, is none the less > effective for being imaginary. There are some of the reasons why the idea > of God is copied so readily by successive generations of individual brains. > God exists, in only in the form of a meme with high survival value, or > infective power, in the environment provided by human culture." > [Richard Dawkins, "The Selfish Gene"] > ------- > "Another meme of the religious meme complex is called faith. It means blind > trust, in the absence of evidence, even in the teeth of evidence. The story > of Doubting Thomas is told, not so that we shall admire Thomas, but so that > we can admire the other apostles in comparison. Thomas demanded evidence. > Nothing is more lethal for certain kinds of meme than a tendency to look > for evidence. The other apostles, whose faith was so strong that they did > not need evidence, are held up to us as worthy of imitation. The meme for > blind faith secures its own perpetuation by the simple unconscious > expedient of discouraging rational inquiry." > [Richard Dawkins, "The Selfish Gene"] > ------- > "Blind faith can justify anything. In a man believes in a different god, or > even if he uses a different ritual for worshipping the same god, blind > faith can decree that he should die - on the cross, at the stake, skewered > on a Crusader's sword, shot in a Beirut street, or blown up in a bar in > Belfast. Memes for blind faith have their own ruthless ways of propagating > themselves. This is true of patriotic and political as well as religious > blind faith." > [Richard Dawkins, "The Selfish Gene"] > ------- 629a731,749 > "You've got a Methodist Coloring Book > And you color really well > But don't color outside the lines > Or God will send you to hell" > [Dead Milkmen, "Methodist Coloring Book"] > ------- > "...And whereas it has also come to the knowledge of the said Congregation > that the Pythagorean doctrine -- which is false and altogether opposed to > the Holy Scripture -- of the motion of the Earth and the immobility of the > Sun, which is also taught by Nicolaus Copernicus in De Revolutionibus > orbium coelestium, and by Diego de Zu–iga on Job, is now being spread > abroad and accepted by many... Therefore, in order that this opinion may > not insinuate itself any further to the prejudice of Catholic truth, the > Holy Congregation has decreed that the said Nicolaus Copernicus, De > Revolutionibus orbium, and Diego de Zu–iga, On Job, be suspended until they > are corrected. > [Decree of the Roman Catholic Congregation of the Index > condemning "De Revolutionibus", March 5, 1616] > ------- 673a794,796 > "Do not put your trust in such trinkets of deceit!" > [Dracula, on the crucifix] > ------- 684a808,810 > "Religion is all bunk." > [Thomas Edison] > ------- 738a865,879 > "I do not believe in the immortality of the individual, > and I consider ethics to be an exclusively human concern > with no superhuman authority behind it." > [Albert Einstein] > ------- > "A human being is part of a whole, called by us the "Universe," a part > limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and > feelings, as something separated from the rest--a kind of optical > delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for > us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few > persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this > prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living > creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty." > [Albert Einstein] > ------- 757a899,903 > "Do we, holding that the gods exist, deceive ourselves with > insubstantial dreams and lies, while random careless chance > and change alone control the world?" > [Euripedes, "Hecuba"] > ------- 802a949,952 > "What good is a beautiful church that serves the > spiritual needs to someone sleeping on a steam grate?" > [James Felder] > ------- 845a996,1001 > "When a man has once brought himself to accept uncritically all the > absurdities that religious doctrines put before him and even to > overlook the contradictions between them, we need not be greatly > suprised at the weakness of his intellect" > [Sigmund Freud: The Future of an Illusion] > ------- 988a1145,1147 > "God is, as it were, the sewer into which all contradictions flow" > [G.W.F. Hegel,Lectures on the History of Philosophy] > ------- 1090a1250,1253 > "Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and > tears out any quicker than the Christmas spirit." > [Kin Hubbard] > ------- 1311a1475,1478 > "Ministers say that they teach charity. That is natural. They > live on hand-outs. All beggars teach that others should give." > [Robert G. Ingersoll] > ------- 1345a1513,1516 > "Think not that I am come to send peace on earth; > I came not to send peace, but a sword." > ["Jesus," Matthew 10:34] > ------- 1349a1521,1525 > "One of my favorite fantasies is that next Sunday not one woman, in any > country of the world, will go to church. If women simply stop giving our > time and energy to the institutions that oppress, they cease to be." > [Sonia Johnson] > ------- 1380a1557,1561 > Xtian (at crucifixion): " It's a shame he has to die" > Jesus (shouting from cross): "Well maybe I wouldn't have to > die if somebody would get a LADDER and a pair of PLIERS!!" > [Kinison, 0:0] > ------- 1412a1594,1598 > "Pursuing the religious life today without using psychedelics drugs is > like studying astronomy with the naked eye because that's how they did > it in the first century A.D., and besides, telescopes are unnatural." > [Timothy Leary, "The Politics of Ecstasy"] > ------- 1507a1694,1700 > "People gave ear to an upstart astrologer who strove to show that the earth > revolves, not the heavens or the firmament, the sun and the moon....This > fool wishes to reverse the entire science of astronomy; but sacred > scripture tells us [Joshua 10:13] that Joshua commanded the sun to stand > still, and not the earth." > [Martin Luther in one of his "Table Talks" in 1539] > ------- 1601a1795,1806 > "The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike." > [Delo McKown] > ------- > "The eyes are witnesses that the heavens revolve in the space of twenty- > four hours. But certain men, either from the love of novelty, or to make > a display of ingenuity, have concluded that the earth moves; and they > maintain that neither the eighth sphere nor the sun revolves....Now, it > is a want of honesty and decency to assert such notions publicly, and the > example is pernicious. It is the part of a good mind to accept the truth > as revealed by God and to acquiesce in it." > [Melanchthon] > ------- 1675a1881,1884 > "The time appears to me to have come when it is the duty > of all to make their dissent from religion known." > [John Stuart Mill] > ------- 1684a1894,1897 > "...I was suddenly inspired to describe the Judeo-Christian god > as a penis which has been endowed with comsic significance." > [Soledad de Montalvo] > ------- 1708a1922,1927 > "Evolution is the root of atheism, of communism, nazism, behaviorism, > racism, economic imperialism, militarism, libertinism, anarchism, and all > manner of anti-Christian systems of belief and practice." > [H. M. Morris, The Remarkable Birth of Planet Earth, > San Diego, Creation-Life Publishers, 1972] > ------- 1744a1964,1966 > "Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich." > [Napoleon] > ------- 1842a2065,2078 > "One does well to put on gloves when reading the New Testament. The > proximity of so much uncleanliness almost forces one to do this." > [Fredrich Nietzsche] > ------- > "However un-Christian this may sound, I am > not even predisposed against myself." > [Friedrich Nietzsche] > ------- > "Assuming that he believes at all, the everday Christian is a pitiful > figure, a man who really cannot count up to three, and who besides, > precisely because of his mental incompetence, would not deserve such > a punishment as Christianity promises him." > [Nietzsche, "Human, All too Human"] > ------- 1909a2146,2149 > "Why can't the Jews and Arabs just sit down > together and settle this like good Christians?" > [Overheard in Congressional debate] > ------- 1921a2162,2166 > "Finding that no religion is based on facts and cannot be > true, I began to reflect what must be the condition of > mankind trained from infancy to believe in error." > [Robert Owen, 19th century reformer] > ------- 1931a2177,2181 > "The creationists have this creator who is evil, who is small-minded, who is > malevolent, and who is not very bright and can't even get his science right. > Creationists have made their creator in their own image, in my view." > [Prof. Ian Plimer - The Skeptic, Vol13,No2.] > ------- 1995a2246,2248 > "I believe to this day what I believed when I was eight -- science." > [Rick Reynolds] > ------- 2021a2275,2294 > "I was driving home early Sunday morning, through Bakersfield > Listening to gospel music on the public radio station > When the preacher said "You'll always have the Lord by your side." > I was so pleased to be informed of this > That I ran twenty red lights in his honor. > Thank you Jesus. Thank you Lord." > [The Rolling Stones, "Faraway Eyes"] > ------- > "A long acquaintance with the literature of the Witnesses leads one to > the conclusion that they live in the intellectual `twilight zone'.... > Whenever their literature strays onto the fields of philosophy, academic > theology, science or any severe mental discipline their ideas at best > mirror popular misconceptions, at worst they are completely nonsensical." > [Alan Rogerson, _Millions Now Living Will Never Die: A > Study of Jehovah's Witnesses_, 1969, p. 116] > ------- > "Every man is free to adopt and profess any religion, which, > under the guidance of reason, he believes to be true." > [Rome's "Syllabus of Condemned Opinions"] > ------- 2056a2330,2356 > "You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice. > If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. > You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill; > I will choose a path that's clear--- I will choose Free Will." > [Rush, "Free Will"] > ------- > "To put it as simply as possible: *I am not a Muslim*.[...] I do not > accept the charge of apostacy, because I have never in my adult life > affirmed any belief, and what one has not affirmed one can not be > said to have apostasized from. The Islam I know states clearly that > 'there can be no coercion in matters of religion'. The many Muslims > I respect would be horrified by the idea that they belong to their > faith *purely by virtue of birth*, and that a person who freely chose > not to be a Muslim could therefore be put to death." > [Salman Rushdie, "In Good Faith", 1990] > ------- > "God, Satan, Paradise, and Hell all vanished one day in my fifteenth > year, when I quite abruptly lost my faith. [...]and afterwards, to > prove my new-found atheism, I bought myself a rather tasteless ham > sandwich, and so partook for the first time of the forbidden flesh of > the swine. No thunderbolt arrived to strike me down. [...] From that > day to this I have thought of myself as a wholly secular person." > [Salman Rushdie, "In God We Trust", 1985] > ------- > "I do not need the idea of God to explain the world I live in." > [Salman Rushdie, on David Frost show] > ------- 2139a2440,2443 > "The splendour of human life, I feel sure, is greater > to those who are not dazzled by the divine radiance." > [Bertrand Russell] > ------- 2288a2593,2597 > "One might be asked "How can you prove that a god does > not exist?" One can only reply that it is scarcely > necessary to disprove what has never been proved." > [David A. Spitz] > ------- 2297,2300d2605 < "By the year 2000 we will, I hope, raise our children < to believe in human potential, not God..." < [Gloria Steinem, Saturday Review of Education, March 1973] < ------- 2308a2614,2639 > "The Bible and the Church have been the greatest > stumbling blocks in the way of women's emancipation." > [Elizabeth Cady Stanton] > ------- > "The Bible teaches that woman brought sin and death into the world, > that she precipitated the fall of the race, that she was arraigned > before the judgement seat of Heaven, tried, condemned and sentenced. > Marriage for her was to be a condition of bondage, maternity a > condition of suffering and anguish, and in silence and subjection, > she was to play the role of a dependant on man's bounty for all > her material wants, and for all the information she might desire." > [Elizabeth Cady Stanton] > ------- > "The memory of my own suffering has prevented me from ever shadowing > one young soul with the superstitions of the Christian religion." > [Elizabeth Cady Stanton] > ------- > "It is an incredible con job when you think of it, to believe > something now in exchange for life after death. Even corporations > with all their reward systems don't try to make it posthumous." > [Gloria Steinem] > ------- 2454a2786,2788 > "It is best to read the weather forcast before praying for rain." > [Mark Twain] > ------- 2520a2855,2860 > "...so long as the people do not care to exercise their freedom, those > who wish to tyrranize will do so; for tyrants are active and ardent, > and will devote themselves in the name of any number of gods, religious > and otherwise, to put shackles upon sleeping men." > [Voltarine de Cleyre] > ------- 2524a2865,2885 > "I once knew an Episcopalian lady in Newport, Rhode Island, who asked me to > design and build a doghouse for her Great Dane. The lady claimed to > understand > God and His Ways of Working perfectly. She could not understand why anyone > should be puzzled about what had been or about what was going to be. > > And yet, when I showed her a blueprint of the doghouse I proposed to build, > she said to me, "I'm sorry, but I never could read one of those things." > > "Give it to your husband or your minister to pass on to God," I said, "and, > when God finds a minute, I'm sure he'll explain this doghouse of mine in a > way that even you can understand." > > She fired me. I shall never forget her. She believed that God liked people > in sailboats much better than He liked people in motorboats. She could not > bear to look at a worm. When she saw a worm, she screamed. > > She was a fool, and so am I, and so is anyone who thinks he > sees what God is Doing." > > ["Cat's Cradle", by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.] > ------- 2599a2961,2964 > "It is a farce to call any being virtuous whose virtues > do not result from the exercise of it's own reason." > [Mary Wollstonecraft] > ------- 2629a2995,3039 > "America was founded by the refuse of the religious fanatics of England, > these undesirable elements that came over on the Mayflower. Ignorant, > religious fanatics who land here, abuse the Indians, and then go to bed > with a board down the middle, you know, the bundling board, so they don't > have sex. That's how we got started." > [Frank Zappa] > ------- > "No, I don't think people really give a shit about that [meeting one's maker] > unless they're completely bamboozled by religious superstition - to live > your life in planning for this good time you're going to have in the sky." > [Frank Zappa] > ------- > "The whole foundation of Christianity is based on the idea that > intellectualism is the work of the Devil. Remember the apple on > the tree? O.K., it was the Tree of Knowledge. "You eat this apple, > you're going to be as smart as God. We can't have that". > [Frank Zappa] > ------- > "So, when Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, if you go for all these > fairy tales, that "evil" woman convinced the man to eat the apple, but the > apple came from the Tree of Knowledge. And the punishment that was then > handed down, the woman gets to bleed and the guy's got to go to work, is the > result of a man desiring, because his woman suggested that it would be a > good > idea, that he get all the knowledge that was supposedly the property and > domain of God. So, that right away sets up Christianity as an anti- > intellectual religion. You never want to be that smart. If you're a woman, > it's going to be running down your leg, and if you're a guy, you're going to > be in the salt mines for the rest of your life. So, just be a dumb fuck and > you'll all go to heaven. That's the subtext of Christianity." > [Frank Zappa] > ------- > "I don't want to see any religious people in public > office because they're working for another boss." > [Frank Zappa] > ------- > "...They tried to make me go to Catholic school, too. I lasted a very short > time. When the penguin came after me with a ruler, I was out of there." > [Frank Zappa] > ------- > "I still went to church regularly, though, until I was eighteen years old. > Then suddenly, the light bulb went on over my head. All the mindless > mobidity and discipline was pretty sick - bleeding this, painful that > and no meat on Friday. What is this shit?" > [Frank Zappa] > ------- 2967a3378,3381 > "He is less remote from the truth who believes > nothing, than he who believes what is wrong." > [Thomas Jefferson] > ------- 3077a3492,3506 > "Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the > cruel and tortuous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness with which > more than half the Bible is filled, it would be more consistant that we > call it the word of a demon than the word of God. It is a history of > wickedness that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind." > [Thomas Paine] > ------- > "Any system of religion that has anything in it that > shocks the mind of a child, cannot be true." > [Thomas Paine] > ------- > "Persecution is not an original feature in any religion; but it is > always the strongly marked feature of all religions established by law." > [Thomas Paine] > ------- 3082d3510 > ATHEISM: ALL of the sex, NONE of the guilt > -- Adam Trent Phillips > > "There are no good or evil plants. There are only. . . plants." > --Ficus (Quark) > > "Brains are wonderful things. Speaking from the admittedly biased > point of view of a large-brained primate, I would say that there is > no better solution to one's environment -- no claw so sharp, no wing > so light that it can bestow the same adaptive benefits as a heavy > ball of gray matter" ... Donald Johanson > > "Considered by daylight and without prejudice, the famous 'ontological > proof' is nothing more than a charming joke." -Arthur Schopenhauer > > "Arguing with a man who has given up reason is > like giving medicine to the dead" - R Ingersoll -- Holy Temple of Mass $ >>> slack@ncsu.edu <<< $ "My used underwear Consumption! $ $ is legal tender in PO Box 30904 $ BBS: (919) 954-5028 $ 28 countries!" Raleigh, NC 27622 $ Warning: I hoard pennies. $ --"Bob"

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