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--------------------------------------- Elite Commandments: ------------------- 1] Never admit you have no idea what you're talking about. 2] Never have a good word to say about anyone else but yourself. 3] Join every group that will let you join. After a few weeks have passed, quit & claim they aren't good enough to merit your prescence. 4] Always shift the blame to someone else. "It's not my fault" should become 2nd nature to you. 5] Always have nasty things to say about your so called friends behind their backs. 6] Hate as many people as possible. 7] Start as many rag wars as humanly possible. When your up against intelligent people (As on Adventurers Tavern, 1982-1986. RIP), and losing your end of the war. Say "This is stupid and childish, even if I did start it", and stop posting. 8] When someone becomes pushy and openly challenges your lack of knowledge about something. Say "I know the answer, but you're not elite enough, so I can't tell you". 9] If anyone still dares to question you then threaten them with tough things like getting someone to turn their phones off, or charge 10 billion toilets on their mothers credit card. (It doesn't matter whether or not you actually know how to do this, or know anyone else who will do it for you. This is a favorite tactic of ELITE!@ phreak groups like L0D!!@#1!.) If all else fails began chanting "Cable throw, Cable throw, Cable throw" or if you are a pirate: make a fright- ening rag page on them in your next Copya crack. [Warning: Be sure to only use this on a fellow ELITE!@#1! phreak, pirate or equivalent ignorant person. Anyone else will laugh at you & tell you to fuck off. Only adding to the questioning of your massive eliteness.] 10] Make as big a fool of yourself as is possible. Display your ignorance and stupidity in a manner that will make itself noticible to the modem community at large. If you are a aspiring elite pirate, get your name on as many copya cracks as fast as possible. Or if you are a up and coming elite phreak, start up your own little world (or join someone else who has already done this, such as LOD), refuse to see anyones viewpoint but your own, & declare yourselves mega-elite. Remember: When in doubt, repeat to yourself the sacred chant: "I am elite, I can't be wrong, I am elite, I am always right and know everything", repeat until your confidense is restored (Humming, or accompanyment by a choir, is optional). Also be certain to rag on anyone who displays any kind of knowledge about anything, and is not currently ELITE!@# If he's not elite, he can't be right. After all, everyone in the universe cares about the "elite hierarchy!", its what makes the world go around!@#21!!!! [National Enlightener!] - 4 yr. old boy is the anti-christ. - Robert Woodhead (Co-Author of Wizardry for the Apple) suggests that all pirates be flogged to death, and recommends that their parents use birth control next time. - Aliens from the planet z0d abduct Mrs. Glop, force her to participate in a heated 56 way orgy, then dump her into her backyard. - King Blotto talks to newsweek for the 93rd time in 2 weeks. Ms. Blarf the secretary finally tells him the shattering truth that they don't care anymore. Blotto is now sending his up to the minute exposes' to Young Miss magazine & Bingo news around the world. - 19 yr. old boy goes on a spree and kills 98. When questioned by auth- orities, his response: "I was bored" - Lord Digital & Mr. Xerox buy an island in the carribean and found a new religion, with themselves declared as the gods. Prospective initiates must prove their worth by boot tracing a protected copy of 1 of the Phantom Access disks, while making AUM sounds & signing away all their wordly wealth. - Water is a deadly toxin. Report on page 938. - Group of NJ wiz kids use mental telepathy and a micromodem to re- arrange the orbit of US. Satelites. "I've never seen nothin' like it" declares computer authority, Sheriff Ima Fool. The U.S.S.R. expresses interest in hiring the offenders. - Is your dog really an alien from outer space? take the quiz on page 437 and find out. - Conference on piracy and it's effects on computer companies. Part 11932 of an ongoing tirade of threats, suggest ions, counter-threats, and all around stupidity. [Sorry this story has been cancelled since our ex-reporter fell asleep during the opening comments.] - Are YOU really an alien from outer space? take the quiz on page 438 and find out. - $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $ Betty Crocker Home Cooking Book 1 $ $$$$$$=> Typed By Lex Luthor <=$$$$$$ $=> Copied From BC Home Cooking 1 <=$ $$$$$$$$$$=> Uploaded by <=$$$$$$$$$$ $ $ $$$$$$$$$$=> Lex Luthor! <=$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$=> & The Legion of Doom! <=$$$$$ $L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$L0D$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ - Buy land on Alpha Centuri. Avoid the rush on this soon to be, prime real estate. Details on page 230. All this and much much more! only in: [ELITE NEWS WEEKLY!] "I can't be wrong... I'm elite!" --------------------------------------- We gratefully acknowledge all mentioned parties, for being the way they are. & express our most sincere apologies to Young Miss (TM) magazine, for having the audacity to suggest they would stoop so low, as to printing commentary from King Blotoe. ---------------------------------------

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