PRESENTS

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> < > PRESENTS < > < > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= < > = DR. SMUT'S = < > = PRESCRIPTION TO = < > = SYSOPS FOR = < > = TERRORIZIN/ABUSIN = < > = LOOSER USERS = < > = AND LEECHES = < > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= < > = PART ONE = < > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= < > Converted to 80 col. by < > The Azure Mage < > CALL < > THE PIRATE ZONE AT (402) 333-1733 < > Asgard (313) 876-5524 < > < \%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%/ OK, LISTEN SYSOPS...PUT UP WITH ENOUGHT LOOSERS AND LEECHES ON YOUR SYSTEM? I'LL BET YOU HAVE. WELL, CUT THE TOLERANCE SHIT OUT ALREADY! IT'S YOUR BOARD, AND YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY WHO GETS ON AND WHO DOES AND GETS >>> H E L L ! <<< ( THE FOLLOWING ARE NOT TO BE USED ON ANYONE OVER 15 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!! ) -=+> IF THEY DON'T TYPE FAST ENOUGH >HANG UP< -=+> HAVE A LETTER WAITING IN THEIR MAIL BOX EVERY TIME THEY LOG-ON THREATENING THEM WITH DELETION, HUMILIATION, AND/OR MURDER. -=+> EDIT ANY ANONNYMOUS POST THEY MAKE AND SIGN THEIR NAME AT THE END SAYING SOMETHING LIKE... " I'M SORRY! I CONFESS! I WROTE IT! " (WHIMPER, CRY, BAWL, GO TO MOMMY, ECT.) -=+> BRIBE A BIG LOCAL USERS GROUP TO 'GIVE A FEW LECTURES' ON ALL MAJOR BOARDS ACROSS THE NATION, ABOUT HOW NOT TO BE LIKE CERTAIN USERS AND HAVE THEM (ACCIDENTALY OF COURSE) DROP A TELEPHONE # AT THE END OF THE LECTURES... -=+> TELL THE LOOSER HOW GREAT HE/SHE IS AND THEN (OUT OF THE KINDNESS OF YOUR HEART) GIVE THAT USER AE ACCESS. (AS SOON AS HE UPLOADS SOME MAJOR SHIT MAKE SURE YOU DELETE HIM............!) -=+> SET UP A 'TORTURE CHAMBER' MESSAGE BASE, WHICH CHANGES TORTUREES EVERY WEEK, AND HAVE EVERYONE TAKE POT-SHOTS AT THE VICTIM OF THE WEEK. (BY THE WAY, MAKE SURE YOU ARE EITHER OUT-OF-TOWN FOR A MONTH, OR ARE >SLIGHTLY< ABSENT-MINDED...........!) -=+> TELL THE LEECH THAT IF HE POSTS 1 MESSAGE ON ALL MESSAGE BASES EVERY DAY, FOR 2 FULL MONTHS, THAT HE WILL GET AN EXTRA LEVEL. (THEN, >ACCIDENTALLY AGAIN<, FORGET AND D E L E T E H I M ! ! ! ! ! ! ) ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ /%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\ > < > THE UNITED STATES WAREZ FORCE < > [TUSWF] < > < > PRESENTS < > < > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= < > = DR. SMUT'S = < > = PRESCRIPTION TO = < > = SYSOPS FOR = < > = TERRORIZIN/ABUSIN = < > = LOOSER USERS = < > = AND LEECHES = < > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= < > = PART TW0 = < > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= < > < > CALL < > THE PIRATE ZONE AT (402) 333-1733 < > < \%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%\%/ WELL SINCE THE LAST ONE WORKED OUT SO WELL, I HAVE DECIDED TO CONTINUE YET ANOTHER PHILE DEDICATED TO THE DESTRUCTION OF LEACHES! THIS PART 2 WILL MAINLY DEAL WITH METHODS THAT YOU CAN USE ON LEACHES ONCE YOU GET YOUR HANDS ON THE LITTLE SHITS. -=+> SLOWLY RIP OUT EVERY HAIR ON HIS HEAD AND THEN GIVE HIM A 'SWIRLY' IN A TOILET FULL OF HYDROGEN PEROXIDE. -=+> KNOCK OUT THE LITTLE SHIT'S TEETH WITH A SWIFT KICK TO THE JAW AND LET HIM BLEED FOR A WHILE. THEN FORCE HIM TO SWISH RUBBING ALCOHOL AROUND IN HIS MOUTH TILL HE FAINTS FROM THE PAIN. -=+> CUT OFF THE LEACH'S EYELIDS WITH A SURGICAL KNIFE AND DRAG HIM OVER TO THE LOCAL FISH STORE AND SHOVE HIS HEAD IN (MAKE SURE HE CAN SEE THIS BY THE WAY) A FISH TANK FULL OF STARVING PIRAHNAS!! (BE SURE THE CUTE LITTLE FISHIES AREN'T WASTEFUL AND LEAVE A CHEEK FLOATIN ON TOP OR ANYTHING) -=+> TAKE A PAIR OF PLIERS AND SLOWLY PULL OUT HIS FINGERNAILS. THEN PLACE A PELLET GUN TO HIS FINGERTIPS AND ERASE HIS FINGERPRINTS! (ALONG WITH THE FINGER AT HAND (GET IT?)) -=+> CAREFULLY TEAR HIS TONGUE DOWN THE CENTER AND STAPLE IT TO THE BOTTOM OF HIS MOUTH. NEXT, MAKE SURE HE HASN'T EATEN IN AT LEAST 3 DAYS AND PUT A BURGER KING BACON DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER RIGHT IN HIS LIPS, AND WATCH STAPLES (AND PEICES OF TONGUE!) GO FLYING ALL OVER! -=+> LIGHT A CANDLE AND TURN HIS HEAD TO THE SIDE. THEN TIP THE CANDLE SIDEWAYS AND ALLOW THE HOT WAX TO POUR INTO THE EAR SOCKETS. -=+> TIP HIS HEAD BACK AND POUR FRESH PAINT THINNER DOWN HIS SENSITIVE NOSTRILS. (ALSO, BE SURE HE CAN'T SWALLOW...) -=+> STUFF M-60'S IN (WHAT'S LEFT OF) HIS EAR CANALS AND BLOW THE CANDLE WAX OUT. THEN SEE IF HE'S O.K. BY >YELLING< INTO HIS EAR AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE. -=+> STICK A NEEDLE SYRINGE(SP?) A LITTLE WAYS UP HIS ASS THEN TELL HIM TO >SIT ON IT!< *** THE GRAND FINALLE *** -=+> STRIP HIS PANTS DOWN AND SPREAD HIS LEGS OUT. THEN TAKE A BRAND NEW RAZOR BLADE AND RUN IT ACROSS THE UNDERSIDE OF HIS BALLS-SACK. (SCROTUM FOR YOU SCIENCE MAJORS). THEN LET HIS BALLS DROP OUT BY THE FORCE OF GRAVITY AND HAVE YOUR NEIGHBOR'S CAT COME OVER AND START GNAWING ON HIS BLOODY NUTS! (OUGH!!! ARGG!! EEEK!!) -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- P.S. IF THE LEACH ISN'T DED BY THIS TIME, YOU CAN ALWAYS DELETE HIM! HAHAH! BE WATCHING FOR PART 3 TO COME FROM DR. SMUT AND THE PIRATE ZONE ELITE! [ THE PRECEDING PHILE HAS BEEN A ZONE COMMUNICATIONS/TUSWF PRODUCTION ] [ THANX CRUE COMMANDER & ARABIAN KNIGHT FOR THE PSYCHOTIC IDEAS DUDEZ! ]

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