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6 **** The Dinosaur Sketch **** **** from "Monty Python's Flying Circus" and "Monty Python's Previous Record" * **** Transcribed 5/14/87 by **** **** Jonathan Partington ( JRP1%CAM.PHX%UK.AC.CAM.ENG-ICF@AC.UK ) **** Television Host (Graham Chapman): Good evening. Tonight - dinosaurs. I have here sitting in the studio next to me an elk. Aaagghhhh! Oh, I'm sorry, Anne Elk, Mrs Anne Elk. Miss Elk (John Cleese, as a very prim lady): Miss. Host: Miss Anne Elk, who is an expert on the... Elk: No, no, no, Anne Elk. Host: What? Elk: Anne Elk, not Anne Expert. Host: No, no, I was saying that you, Miss Elk, were an, A.N. not A.N.N.E., expert... Elk: Oh! Host: ...on elks - I'm sorry, on dinosaurs. Elk: Yes, I certainly am, Chris, how very true, my word yes! Host: Now, Miss Elk - Anne - you have a new theory about the brontosaurus. Elk: Could I just say, Chris, for one moment that I have a new theory about the brontosaurus? Host: Er... exactly. What is it? Elk: Where? Host: No, no, no. What is your theory? Elk: Oh, what is my theory? Host: Yes. Elk: Oh what is my theory, that it is. Yes, well you may well ask, what is my theory. Host: (slightly impatient) I am asking. Elk: And well you may. Yes my word you may well ask what it is, this theory of mine. Well, this theory that I have--that is to say, which is mine-- ...is mine. Host: (more impatient) I know it's yours. What is it? Elk: Where? Oh, what is my theory? Host: Yes! Elk: Oh, my theory that I have follows the lines I am about to relate. (Coughs) Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. Host: Oh God. Elk: Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. [Impatient noises from Host] The Theory, by A. Elk. That's A for Anne, it's not by a elk. Host: Right.... Elk: This theory which belongs to me is as follows. Ahem. Ahem. This is how it goes. Ahem. The next thing that I am about to say is my theory. Ahem. Ready? (Host moans) Elk: The Theory by A. Elk brackets Miss brackets. My theory is along the following lines. Host: Oh God. Elk: All brontosauruses are thin at one end, much MUCH thicker in the middle, and then thin again at the far end. That is the theory that I have and which is mine, and what it is too. Host: That's it, is it? Elk: Right, Chris. Host: Well, Anne, this theory of yours seems to have hit the nail on the head. Elk: And it's mine. Host: (ironical) Thank you for coming along to the studio. Elk: My pleasure, Chris. Host: Er...Britain's newest wasp farm... Elk: It's been a lot of fun. Host: ...opened last week... Elk: Saying what my theory is. Host: Yes, thank you. Elk: And whose it is. Host: Yes. ...opened last week... Elk: I have another theory. Host: Not today, thank you. Elk: My theory number two, which is the second theory that I have. Ahem! This theory... Host: Oh look...shut up! Elk: ...is what I am about to say... Host: Oh please shut up! Elk: ...which, with what I have said, are the two theories that are mine and belong to me. Host: Look, if you don't shut up I shall shoot you. Elk: Ahem! My brace of theories, which I possess the ownership of, which belongs to me... (BANG!) (Pause) Elk: Ahem. The Theory the Second by Anne... (MACHINE GUN FIRE) **** End of DINOSAUR PYTHON 5/14/87 **** To: CLARINET@YALEVMX From: JRP1%CAM.PHX%UK.AC.CAM.ENG-ICF@AC.UK (JRP1%CAM.PHX@UK.AC.CAM.ENG-ICF) Authentic-sender: MAIL01@UK.AC.CAMBRIDGE.ENGINEERING.SERC-ICF

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