---

**** The opening scene from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" **** **** Transcribed from the film by **** **** Malcolm Dickinson ( CLARINET@YALEVM.BITNET ) on 12/1/86, **** **** expressly for use of the BBOARD@YALEVM Python Collection **** **** This is Transcript #1 from the movie **** The film begins. Out of a dense fog trots Arthur, accompanied on two empty coconut halves by his trusty servant, Patsy. They approach a castle. Suddenly a guard appears atop a high rampart. Guard: Halt! Who goes there? Arthur: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England! Guard: Who's the other one? Arthur: I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master. Guard: What, ridden on a horse? Arthur: Yes. Guard: You're using coconuts! Arthur: What? Guard: You've got two empty 'alves of coconuts and you're bangin' 'em together! Arthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land. Through the kingdom of Mercia, through... Guard: Where'd you get the coconuts? Arthur: (somewhat taken aback) We found them. Guard: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical! Arthur: What do you mean? Guard: This is a temperate zone! Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house maarten or the plummer may seek warmer climes in winter, but these are not strangers to our land! Guard: Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? Arthur: Not at all! They could be carried. Guard: (indcredulous) What, a swallow, carrying a coconut? Arthur: It could grip it by the husk! Guard: It's not a question of where 'e grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five-ounce bird could *not* carry a one-pound coconut! Arthur: (exasperated) Well it doesn't matter! Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the court of Camelot is here! (pause) Guard: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right? Arthur: Please! Guard: (patiently) Am I right. Arthur: I'm not interested! ( A second guard appears on the rampart. ) G2: It could be carried by an African swallow! G1: Oh, yeah, an African swallow, maybe, but not a European swallow, that's my point. G2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that. Arthur: (extremely exasperated) Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot!! (pause) G1: But then of course, African swallows are non-migratory. G2: Oh yeah... (Arthur and Patsy give up and trot away) G1: So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway. G2: Wait a minute! Supposing *two* swallows carried it together! G1: Nooo..... They'd have to have it on a line... G2: Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper! G1: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers? G2: Well, why not? **** continued in DEAD PYTHON, transcript #2 in the movie **** **** end of file SWALLOW PYTHON 12/1/86 MMD ****

---

The views and opinions stated within this web page are those of the author or authors which wrote them and may not reflect the views and opinions of the ISP or account user which hosts the web page. The opinions may or may not be those of the Chairman of The Skeptic Tank.

Return to The Skeptic Tank's main Index page.

E-Mail Fredric L. Rice / The Skeptic Tank