---

Birth of a Scout Howl at the moon and for the bodies in the grave, For a Shindar scout is born tonight amidst the broken blades. His kith and kin are slaughtered and his livliehood no more, So he will wander through this world and submerge himself in war. And the Death that stalks all mankind he will take to be his wife, And war and fear and carnage he will have for all his life. And if sanity eludes him then at least he'll have his war, And he'll glory in its' horrors and he'll never ask for more. There's a madness that's inside us, we all go a little scout, There's a beast within us howling and we've got to let it out. So we slip the leash of reason and become the dogs of war, And we glory in the violence and by God we all want more. So one morning if you wake up and you find the beast is out, Then dress yourself most brightly so they'll know that you've gone scout. And wander through this world 'til you find yourself a war, And glory in it's horrors and don't ever ask for more. Jester of the Shindar 1992 Raise Your Mug To Gwynedd Well raise your mug to Gwynedd, But best not raise your sword, For I'd rather be buggered by all of Rome, Than fight the Gwynedd horde! They do not fear too much, And certainly not to die, But God forbid the worst occurs, And all their kegs run dry! (Chorus) Oh I won't say they're destructive, But when Gwynedd comes to town, Hide yer booze, lock up yer wife, and nail yer livestock down! Yea, hide yer booze, lock up yer wife, and nail yer livestock down! They're rowdy and they're drunken, And for fashion they've no turn, But better to look like a vomitus mass, Than fight like a Pentwyvern. The Scots say bugger the English, And the English say bugger the Welsh, And Gwynedd says bugger the sheep, And to Hell with anything else. (Chorus) The Devil went to Gwynedd, And he left in just his drawers, And I don't know just what happened, But he don't go there no more. The Church sent them a priest, For to save all of their souls, But they traded him for a keg of ale, And I guess that's how it goes! (Final Chorus) Jester of the Shindar 1992 Freyfax' Song Well this is the tale of a wandering young man, A Shindar called Freyfax by some, He was making his way through our wicked world, And trying to have him some fun. He walked into London with only his clothes, And a lass whispered into his ear, He thought for a moment and then shook his head, And said in a voice loud and clear: (Chorus) "I'll never forget the advice of my mom, "Who warned me 'bout women like you, "She said never drink beer and keep your sword clean, "No matter what else you might do." He walked in a bar for to get in the shade, A wench came to him with some beer, He sent her away with a wave of his hand, His words echoing in her ears: (Chorus) One night, just for fun, his friends spiked his drink, And he liked it and had him some more, And when he woke up he was somewhere in Wales, In the arms of a second class whore. But he never forgot the advice of his mom, For more than a weekend or two, He always drank whiskey and kept his sword sheathed, No matter what else he might do. Jester of the Shindar 1992 I Want To Be A Roman Legionaire The recruiter said that legionaires ate steak with every meal, And they always get the women, And they carry lots of steel, But now I'm in the legion and they've taught me how to SQUEAL! And I'm thinking I have made a big mistake. Well I want to be a Roman legionaire, Oh I want to be a Roman legionaire, But first I have to learn, To stick my ass up in the air, Oh I want to be a Roman legionaire. The recruiter said that officers were really friendly folk, But when I mentioned Caesars hair, They beat me to a pulp, And now I'm in the legion and I'm bleeding on the ground, And I'm thinking I have made a big mistake. Well I want to be a Roman legionaire, Oh I want to be a Roman legionaire, But first I have to learn, Not to mention Caesars hair, Oh I want to be a Roman legionaire. The recruiter said that Shindar were quite easy to defeat, And every time we fought with them, Our victory was complete, But now I'm in the legion and they've taught me to RETREAT! And I'm thinking I have made a big mistake. Well I want to be a Roman legionaire, Oh I want to be a Roman legionaire, But when you're fighting Shindar, Well you haven't got a prayer, Oh I want to be a Roman legionaire. The recruiter said that Gwynedd was a place where warriors sleep, So I signed the dotted line, And they sent me to a keep. But now that I'm in Gwynedd well my God they bugger sheep! And I'm thinking I have made a big mistake. Well I want to be a Roman legionaire, Oh I want to be a Roman legionaire, But don't you send me off to Gwynedd, 'Cause I couldn't take it there, Oh I want to be a Roman legionaire. Now I hate the bloody legion and I wish I could desert. But every other unit knows, That Romans are the worst, So now I'm in the legion 'til I'm old and lose my trim, But I guess by then that I will fit right in. I don't want to be a Roman legionaire, I don't want to be a Roman legionaire, But now I'm getting fat, And I'm losing all my hair, And I guess that I'm a Roman legionaire. Jester of the Shindar 1992 The Thane's Lament The man from the lowlands he paid me my coin, and I took up my sword and my shield. And off I did march like the young fool I was, to find honor and glory on the field. I slept by the wayside, that very first night, ignoring the mud and the slime. I knew it'd get better, instead it got wetter, I've slept like that thousands of times. Well we march in the mud and we fight in it too, and at night we all use it to bed. And after the fight at the break of first light, we use it to bury the dead. Well the looks of the dead, and all of their screams, I think of with honest regret. But when I'm a'dreamin' and wake up a'screamin', it's the mud that I'd like to forget. Well it's too many battles and wars I have seen, oh much too much bloodshed and strife. But when I start thinking and then I start drinking, I realise that that's been me life. Oh I know I will die on some nameless field, amidst all the screams and the blood. In some pointless battle, where men die like cattle, and my body will lie in the mud. It's from mud that we came and to mud we'll return, and a soldier can ask for no more. And that's all you'll have in the whole of your life, if you follow the way of war. Jester of the Shindar 1992 Raise your mug of ale It's a bold and bloody song we sing, When marching off to war, For when it all is over, We won't want to sing no more. So raise your mug of ale, And raise a hearty cry, For tonight we all are merry, And tomorrow we may die. I can't complain about my life, I've had my share of fun, I've drunk a thousand casks of ale, And sired a thousand sons. So raise your mug of ale, And raise a hearty cry, For tonight we all are merry, And tomorrow we may die. So we'll all live for the moment, And we'll drunk and merry be, For tomorrow many men will die, It might be you or me. So raise your mug of ale, And raise a hearty cry, For tonight we all are merry, And tomorrow we may die. Jester of the Shindar 1992 Our Goodman (Jester's Version) As I came home on Monday night, A little before me time, I spied a drunk outside my tent, I knew that drunk weren't mine. "Whose drunk be this?" "Whose drunk be that?" "Whoever can it be?" The drunk says "I'm a log, as anyone can see." Now I've traveled this whole world over, A hundred leagues or more, But a log that looks like Docileheim, I've never seen that before! As I came home on Tuesday night, A little before me time, I spied a drunk outside my tent, I knew that drunk weren't mine. "Whose drunk be this?" "Whose drunk be that?" "Whoever can it be?" The drunk says "I'm a king, as anyone can see." Now I've traveled this whole world over, A hundred leagues or more, But a seven foot king of Atlantea, I've never seen that before! As I came home on Wednesday night, A little before me time, I spied a drunk outside my tent, I knew that drunk weren't mine. "Whose drunk be this?" "Whose drunk be that?" "Whoever can it be?" The drunk says "I'm a warrior, as anyone can see." Now I've traveled this whole world over, A hundred leagues or more, But a warrior wearing Roman red, I've never seen that before. As I came home on Thursday night, A little before me time, I spied a drunk outside my tent, I knew that drunk weren't mine. "Whose drunk be this?" "Whose drunk be that?" "Whoever can it be?" The drunk says "I'm an Aratari, as anyone can see." Now I've traveled this whole world over, A hundred leagues or more, But an Aratari wearing a Care Bear Pelt, I've never seen that before. As I came home on Friday night, A little before me time, I spied a drunk outside my tent, I knew that drunk weren't mine. "Whose drunk be this?" "Whose drunk be that?" "Whoever can it be?" The drunk says "I'm a Kutrigur, as anyone can see." Now I've traveled this whole world over, A hundred leagues or more, But a Bulgar that didn't smell like a horse, I've never seen that before. Jester of the Shindar 1992 Shindar Drinking Song Last night I went out drinking, And I met a lively crew, So we wandered off together, To hoist an ale or two. We came upon a little place, Where the ladies were most fair, And so we all decided, That we should tarry there. Oh we're bold and handsome bastards, 'Til the morning anyway, When the rising sun will smite our eyes, And make us curse the day. The lasses they all love us, For as long as we can pay, But when our coin runs out, They will send us on our way. So we'll hoist another ale, And we'll sing another song, And we'll crawl from bar to bar, Until the coming of the dawn. Behind the bar, with golden hair, There stood a beautious lass, With ruby lips and eyes of blue, And this exquisite nose. Well Maddog was a foolish lad, Whose moods did not soon pass, He lept across that little bar, And tried to pinch her nose. (Chorus) We grabbed young Maddog by the cloak, And everything was fine, Until the lass's lad showed up, With a friend or nine. I will not bore you with the tale, Suffice to say we had them beat, And then the city watch showed up, To make the night complete. (Chorus) Now Fezzik he was not to bright, He'd smashed a guardsman's head, So the Magistrate said take him out, And hang him 'til he's dead. The lass that Maddog tried to pinch, Appealed to the bench, And this morning, I've been told, He got married to the wench! (Chorus) His honor looked me in the eye, And said: "What should I do?" So I looked right back at him said, "Let's hoist an ale or two." So off we wandered into town, With a guard or two he'd brung, Along the way there was a brawl, And come the morning he was hung! (Final Chorus) Jester of the Shindar 1992 *Untitled* With a sword in my hand I will face the world alone, I'll stand against all comers while I've flesh upon my bones. And those that stand against me will not stand for very long, For death will be the dance we dance and screams will be the song. With Shindar all around me I will make a final stand, I'll live or die in glory on this little patch of land. With Shindar all around me and our banner all unfurled, We'll stand against all comers, we will stand against the world. Time is out there always, likewise Death, his friend, No matter how you fight they will get you in the end. The odds are all against me, but that just adds to the fun, For in the end it's how you fought not if you lost or won. And the stories that they tell around the fires late at night, Will be praises of my courage and my prowess and my might. My name will live forever, Death can't take that from me, So when my life is over I'll have won my victory. With a sword in my hand I will face the world alone, I'll stand against all comers while I've flesh upon my bones. And those that stand against me will not stand for very long, For death will be the dance we dance and screams will be the song. Jester of the Shindar 1992 *Untitled* A wind blows down from the hills onto the plain, Where the foe is all assembled and they want to know our name, "We all of us are Shindar!" we cry with fearsome pride, And those who've fought against us have paid the price and died. Kill them all lads kill them all, Leave them lying in the dirt. Leave them screaming in their agony, Screaming that they're hurt. Let them tast the bitter bile of fear, The tast of their defeat. Let 'em know they fought the Shindar, Let 'em know that they've been beat! It doesn't matter why we fight it only matters that we will, Today we all will go to war, today we all will kill. The blood will flow in rivers and the blood will soak the turf, It's from the dust they came and we'll return them to they earth. (Chorus) Sweep upon the foe and fill the air with fearsome cries, The hand of fear's upon them and they know they're going to die. When all of this is over and all is said and done, Only Shindar will be standing 'cause the Shindar will have won. (Chorus) In every land and kingdom they will know us all by name, Our courage and our prowess will buy everlasting fame. They will speak of us as legends, and tell the tales with awe, And those that fought against us will tremble to recall. (Final Chorus Twice) Jester of the Shindar, 1992 To Anglysea.. Cursing all the gods above I stand upon this field Holding to a shattered sword and a useless shield My foes are ranged about me and they're crying for my death They want to hear my final scream and see my final breath Kinsmen lay dead around me giving silent company It's so very far we've come to die away from Anglesea And it is not my death I mind for we all die I know It's that I've no weapon close to hand with which to slay the foe So I will doff my helmet quickly and I'll look them in the eye And in a hale and hearty voice I'll call them out to die And fighting like a madman I will join my kin in death But it is laughter that the foe will hear upon my final breath. Jester of the Shindar 1992 All I want in life... Is a fair young maiden Dressed in leather With a goat And a whip And a condom And a beer And a beer And a sister With a friend With lots of gold And a beer And that's all I want in life. (Or was it just a keg?) Little war-god Half-Orc hopping through the field, Scooping up the kingdomers and crushing their tiny skulls. Down came the President of the Aratari and she said: "Little war-god Half-Orc I dont want to see you, Scooping up the kingdomers and crushing their tiny skulls." I'm going to give you one more chance, then I'm going to turn you into a Pentwyvern." Stand To Your Glasses Steady We meet 'neath the sounding rafter, And the walls around us are bare, As they shout back our peals of laughter, It seems as the dead were there; (Chorus) So stand to your glasses steady! We drink 'fore our comrades' eyes, One cup to the dead already, Hurrah for the next man that dies! Not a sigh for the lost that darkles, Not a tear for the friends that sink, We'll fall 'mid the wine cups' sparkles, As mute as the wine we drink; (Chorus) Who dreads to the dust returning? Who shrinks from the sable shore? Where the haughty, restless yearning Of the soul can sting no more; (Chorus) Cut off from the land that bore us, Betrayed by the land we find, When the brightest are gone before us, And the dullest are left behind: (Final Chorus) (This song was written by Capt. Darling, an officer in England's Indian Army during the time of the cholera epidemic. Capt. Darling succumbed to the disease shortly after penning this poem. It is a popular military drinking song and was particularly popular amongst aviators serving in the Vietnam War, echoing much of their sorrow and bitterness as well as it did that of Capt. Darling a hundred years earlier.) Tippery Town I used to be as happy a sport as ever walked the street, I was so very handsome I was almost fit to eat; But now I'm old and seedy grown, and poverty holds me fast; The boys and girls they smile at me, but still I takes my glass. (Chorus) Come, join my humble ditty, from Tippery Town I steer, Like every good honest fellow, I likes my lager beer, Like every good honest fellow, I takes my whiskey clear, For I'm a rambling rake of poverty, and a son of a gambolier! In the days when I was hard up, not many years ago, With a coat all covered with patches, I hardly knew what to do; I determined to be a burglar, to plunder and to steal, And when I shook the countryman down, how good it made me feel. (Chorus) I wish I had a barrel of rum, and sugar three hundred pounds, With a chapel bell to put it in, and the clapper to stir it round; I'd drink to the health of the Shindar, and the girls both far and near, For I'm a rambling rake of of poverty and a son of a gambolier. (Final Chorus) Traditional Come Landlord Fill The Flowing Bowl Come, landlord, fill the flowing bowl, Until it doth run over, Come, landlord, fill the flowing bowl, Until it doth run over, (Chorus) For tonight we'll merry, merry be, For tonight we'll merry, merry be, For tonight we'll merry, merry be, Tommor we'll be sober. The man that drinks good whiskey down, And goes to bed right mellow, Lives as he ought to live, And dies a jolly fellow. (Chorus) The man who drinks cold water pure, And goes to bed quite sober, Will fall just as the leaves do fall, So lightly in October. (Chorus) But he drinks just what he likes, And getteh "half seas over," Will live until he dies, perhaps, And then lie down in clover. (Chorus) A pretty lass that gets a kiss, And runs to tell her mother, Does a very foolish thing, And shall not get another. (Final Chorus) Traditional Barnacle Bill The Sailor Version #1 "Who's that knocking at my door?" "Who's that knocking at my door?" "Who's that knocking at my door?" Asked the fair young maiden. "Well, open the door you fucking whore!" Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor "Open the door you fucking whore!" Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor "Shall we go to the dance?" "Shall we go to the dance?" "Shall we go to the dance?" Asked the fair young maiden. "Well, to hell with the dance and down with your pants," said Barnacle Bill the Sailor. "To hell with the dance and down with your pants," said Barnacle Bill the Sailor "What if my ma and pa should come home?" "What if my ma and pa should come home?" "What if my ma and pa should come home?" Asked the fair young maiden. "Well, I'll kill your pa and rape your ma," said Barnacle Bill the Sailor. "I'll kill your pa and rape your ma," said Barnacle Bill the Sailor. "What's that thing between your legs?" "What's that thing between your legs?" "What's that thing between your legs?" Asked the fair young maiden. "Well, it's just me pole to fill your hole," said Barnacle Bill the Sailor. "It's just me pole to fill your hole," said Barnacle Bill the Sailor. "What's that running down my leg?" "What's that running down my leg?" "What's that running dowm my leg?" Asked the fair young maiden. "Well, it's just me shot that missed your twot," said Barnacle Bill the Sailor. "It's just me shot that missed your twot," said Barnacle Bill the Sailor. "What's that running down my chin?" "What's that running down my chin?" "What's that running down my chin?" Asked the fair young maiden. "Well, it's just me cream that missed when you screamed," said Barnacle Bill the Sailor. "It's just me cream that missed when you screamed," said Barnacle Bill the Sailor. "What if I should have a child?" "What if I should have a child?" "What if I should have a child?" Asked the fair young maiden. "Bounce a daughter on your knee and send a bastard off to sea," said Barnacle Bill the Sailor. "Bounce a daughter on your knee and send a bastard off to sea," said Barnacle Bill the Sailor. Heard in the Gwynedd camp but I can't blame them for it's origin as version #2 is from a much earlier time. Barnacle Bill The Sailor Version #2 "Who's that knocking at my door?" "Who's that knocking at my door?" "Who's that knocking at my door?" Said the fair young maiden. "It's only me from over the sea," Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor. "My ass is tight, my temper's raw," Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor "I'm so wound up I'm afraid to stop, I'm looking for meat or I'm going to pop," "A rag, a bone with a cherry on top," Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor "I'll come down and let you in," "I'll come down and let you in," "I'll come down and let you in," Said the fair young maiden. "Well, hurry before I bust the door," Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor. "I'm hard to windward and hard a-lee," Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor. "I've newly come upon the shore, and this is what I'm looking for," "A jade, a maid, or even a whore," Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor. "Oh, your whiskers scrape my cheeks," "Oh, your whiskers scrape my cheeks," "Oh, your whiskers scrape my cheeks," Said the fair young maiden. "I'm dirty and lousy and full of fleas," Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor. "I'll stick my mast in whom I please," Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor. "My flowing whiskers give me class, the seahorses ate them instead of grass," "If they hurt your cheeks, they'll tickle your ass," Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor. "Tell me that we'll soon be wed," "Tell me that we'll soon be wed," "Tell me that we'll soon be wed," Said the fair young maiden. "You foolish girl, it's nothing but sport," Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor. "I've got me a wife in every port," Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor. "Off I go on another tack, to give another maid a crack," "But keep it oiled 'til I come back," Says Barnacle Bill the Sailor. Traditional Kafoozalum In olden days there lived a maid who used to ply a thrifty trade, A prostitute of ill repute, the Harlot of Jerusalem. (Chorus) Hi, ho, Kafoozalum, the Harlot of Jerusalem, Prostitute of ill repute, the daughter of a Rabbi. She was wily witch, a warty whore, a brazen bitch, And every dong it got the itch, that dangled in Kafoozalum. Nearby there lived a bastard tall with prick so hard could break a wall, T'was rumored he had ridden all the harlots of Jerusalem. One day returning from a spree, a high a mighty jubilee, Kafoozalum he chanced to see, passing through Jerusalem. With many a nod and glancing look she led him to a nearby brook, And from his bulging pants she took the pride of all Jerusalem. She took his pride with aim to please and rubbed it gently 'twixt her knees, The bastard showered all the trees, and drowned half of Jerusalem. The son of a bitch was underslung, he missed her hole and hit her bung, And drove his dong into her dung, down by Jerusalem. Now Kafoozalum, she knew her part, she cocked her ass and let a fart, And blew that bastard like a dart, high over Jerusalem. And there he lay, a broken mass, his cock all filled with shit and gas, While Kafoozalum she wiped her ass, all over Jerusalem. Found it in a Song Book Three Whores of Winnipeg There were three whores of Winnipeg, Drinking the blood-red wine, And one unto the others said, "Yours is smaller than mine." (Chorus) So swab the decks, ye bastards Sluice 'em down with brine, And lay to the oars, ye lousy whores Yours is smaller than mine. "You're a liar," said the first whore, "Mine's as big as the sea," "The ships sail in and the ships sail out," "And never bother me." "You're a liar," said the second whore, "Mine's as big as the air," "The ships sail in and the ships sail out, "And never tickle a hair." "You're a liar," said the third whore, "Mine's as big as the moon," "The ships sail in at the first of the month" "And don't come out 'til June." "You're a liar," said the first whore, "Mine's as big as the sun," "Two ships sail in and two ships sail out," "Just as easy as one." "You're a liar," said the second whore, "Mine just can't be beat," "Forget all these tiny little ships," "Mine accomodates fleets." "You're a liar," said the third whore, "Mine's the biggest of all," "For many's the fleet that's sailed in," "And never sailed out at all." Traditional with some verses inspired by the Bawdy Balladers at the Maryland Renaisance Festival (1991) and penned by Jester of the Shindar. My God, How the Money Rolls In (To the tune of My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean) My father makes book on the corner, My mother makes second hand gin, My sister makes love for a quarter, My God, how the money rolls in. (Chorus) Rolls in, rolls in, My God, how the money rolls in, rolls in, Rolls in, rolls in, My God, how the money rolls in. My brother's a poor missionary, He saves fallen women from sin, He'll save you a blonde for a dollar, My God, how the money rolls in. My aunt is a boarding house keeper, She takes little working girls in, The put a red light in the window, My God, how the money rolls in. My grandma sells cheap prophylactics, She punctures the head with a pin, For grandpa gets rich from abortions, My God, how the money rolls in. Traditional Roll Your Leg Over I wish all them ladies were bells in the tower, Then I'd be a Sexton and bang on the hour. (Chorus) Well, roll your leg over, and roll your leg over, Roll your leg over it's better that way. I wish all them ladies was bricks in a pile, Then I'd be a mason and lay them in style. I wish all them ladies were little white flowers, Then I'd be a bee and I'd suck them for hours. I wish all them ladies were wrecks on the shoals, Then I'd be a shipwright and plug up their holes. I wish all them ladies were statues of Venus, Then I'd be a greek with a petrified penis. I wish all them ladies were fish in a pool, Then I'd be a carp with a waterproof tool. I wish all them ladies were wine in a glass, Then I'd get so drunk that I'd fall on my ass. I wish all them ladies was mares in the stable, Then I'd be a groom and I'd mount all I was able. (And any more you can make up) Traditional with verses written by anyone who's ever sung it. Shove It Home I gave her inches one, Shove it home, shove it home I gave her inches one, Shove it home, I gave her inches one, She said "Johnny, ain't it fun, Put your belly close to mine, And shove it home." I gave her inches two, She said "Johnny I love you," I gave her inches three, She said "Johnny, I got to pee," I gave her inches four, She said "Johnny, I want more," I gave her inches five, She said "Johnny, look alive," I gave her inches six, She said "I've seen bigger pricks," I gave her inches seven, She said "Johnny ain't it heaven," I gave her inches eight, She said "Johnny, this is great," I gave her inches nine, She said "Johnny, this is fine," I gave her inches ten, She said "Can't you come again," I gave her inches twenty, She said "Johnny, that's a-plenty, Put your pecker in your pants, And shove off home." Another traditional. One Hundred Years Ago When I sailed across the sea, Oh yes, oh! My gal said she'd be true to me, One hundred years ago! Oh yes, oh! One hundred years on the Eastern Shore, One hundred years ago. I promised her a golden ring, She promised me that little thing, When I got home to the Eastern shore, My gal she had become a whore, It wasn't small I tell you sir, Damn near got lost inside of her, In Anglysea I met a lass, Her wink could set me on my ass, Her bow was full her stern was trim, Her rocky port near did me in, In Iceland did I meet a girl, Her golden hair had a wicked curl, I gave her everything I owned, I woke up broke and all alone, This song is bad it can't get worse, Unless you sods can sing a verse, (Other verses) Oh, Bully John was the boy for me, A bully on land and a bucko at sea. Ol'Bully John from Baltimore, I knew him well, that son of a whore. Ol'Bully John, I knew him well, But now he's dead an' gone to hell. It's up aloft this yeard must go, For Mister Mate, he told us so. I thought I heard the skipper say, Just one more pull and then belay. Traditional Sea Shanty with some verses by Jester of the Shindar Cruising 'Round Yarmouth While cruising round Yarmouth one day for a spree, Tammy! Way, hey, blow the man down. I met a fair damsel, the wind blowing free. Tammy! Give me some time to blow the man down. "I'm a fast-going clipper, my kind sir," said she. "I'm ready for cargo, my hold is quite free." What country she came from I could not tell which, By her appearance I thought she was Dutch. Her flag wore its colors, her masthead was low. She was round in the counter and bluff in the bow. I gave her the rope and I took her in tow, Yardarm to yardarm a-towing we go. She took me upstairs and he tops'l she lowered, In a neat little landing she soon had me moored. She lowered her fores'ls, her stays'ls and all, With her lily white hand on me reef-tackle fall. I said "Pretty maid it's now time to give o'er, For 'twixt wind and water ye've run me ashore. My shot-locker's empty, me powder's all spent, I can't fire a shot for I'm choked to the vent." Here's luck to the girl who ran Jack on the rocks, And here's luck to the girl with the black curly locks. Here's luck to the doctor who eased all his pain, He's squared his main yards now he's cruising again. The Professions Song (A.K.A My Girlfriend's.....) My girlfriend's a carpenter, a carpenter, a carpenter, And a very fine carpenter is she, All day she bangs nails, bangs nails, bangs nails, And when she comes home she bangs me. (Optional chorus) Oh, drink a little bit, fuck a little bit, Follow the clan, Follow the clan with your dick in your hand, Drink a little bit, fuck a little bit, Follow the clan, Follow the clan all the way. My girlfriend's a glassblower, a glassblower, a glassblower, And a very fine glassblower is she, All day she blows glass, she blows glass, she blows glass, And when she comes home she blows me. My girlfriends a mason Lays bricks a mechanic screws bolts a mailcarrier licks stamps a cook eats food etc..... (If you can't make up at least one verse then you're much too innocent to be reading this.) Heard in the Gwynedd camp (they once sang it without repeating a verse for three hours straight) but a traditional. I Used to Work in Gwenydd I used to work in Gwenydd, I used to work in a store, I used to work in a bakery, I don't work there anymore. A lady came in one day, I asked her what she wanted, "A roll," she said, roll her I did, I don't work there anymore. I used to work in Gwenydd, I used to work in a store, I used to work in a toy store, I don't work there anymore. A lady came in one day, I asked her what she wanted, "A ball," she said, ball her I did, I don't work there anymore. butchers' store tongue, pound hardware store pump, drill, nail, plunger gas station fill her up candy store sucker stable ride, mount bakery roll, layer etc..... Heard in the Gwynedd camp Baltazar's Pome Well there's many tales 'bout Baltazar, Who's old as dirt they say, And here's a tale I overheard, Around a camp one day. It seems there was this dragon, Two giants and a lass, And between the four of them, They had sealed a mountain pass. Well the merchants were all screaming, 'Cause their goods could not get through, And the townsfolk were all screaming, 'Cause they wanted those goods too. So B-zar took his sword, And B-zar took his shield, And into the pass he went, To give them all a taste of steel. Well the dragon was no problem, He slew it out of hand, And the giants he chased back, To some dismal nordic land. Then he turned from the giants, And he made to fight the lass, And she tipped a wink to him, And it dumped him on his ass. Well B-zar shook his head, And he took a glance around, There was no one there a'watching, So he got up off the ground. The lass she laughed at Baltazar, And said, with certain glee, Mighty warrior you need three things, 'Fore you can play with me. You need the luck of a devil, And the courage of a bear, And, the hardest thing of all, You need a lock of angel's hair. Well B-zar took his sword and He struck the ground right well, And he made a mighty gorge, That went all the way to hell. And up jumped a devil, And he had a devilish grin, And a pair of dice with which, he said, That he could always win. Well B-zar took those dice, And he rolled them in his hand, Then he tossed them in the air, And a seven's what did land. Well that devil he did swear, And that devil he did curse, And he said he wanted one more chance, He'd bet the gold in his purse. It went like this for most the day, And when rang the evening bell, Baltazar had won the devils' gold, And all his luck as well. Now the lass she was perturbed, But B-zar, he'd won fair, So she clapped her hands together, And there appeared a mighty bear. Well B-Zar dropped his sword and shield, And ran right at that bear. There was a growling in his throat, And standing upright was his hair. Well that bear he looked at Baltazar, Then turned his tail and fled, For he'd rather be a coward, Than a bearskin rug and dead. Now that lass was surely frightened, But on her face their was a grin, "Mortals can't catch angels, You can't even hope to win." So B-zar took his sword, And cut a lock of her own hair, And said, "You're an angel, With a beauty that's most rare." Then he spanked her on her ass, And he dragged her back to town, And history relates to us, That soon she settled down. That's the ending of this story, And I swear that it's all true, And if anyone believes that, I've some land to sell to you. Pome Would that I could take a word, and mate it with it's twin, And bring to light my feelings, Hidden deep within. I would tell you of my fondest wish, To hold you in my arms, To keep you warm and safe of nights, To keep from you all harm. I would tell you 'bout my deepest fear, A fear I fear to say, That another might walk with you, and talk with you, And steal your heart away. I would tell you of a mighty pain, That lives and breathes within my heart. A pain that lurks and skulks and then, Emerges when we're apart. And I would weave for you my love, A silken tapestry of phrase, To hang within your nightly dreams, And make you laugh in all your days. If I could only do these things, my love, I would do them all for you. To make you understand just how I feel, Which I can only pray you do. Jester of the Shindar Shindar War Chant Your women are crying, And banshees are howling, For Death in your lands, Is soon to roam free, (Chorus) For you've called us to war, And it's war that you'll get, Such that those who survive it, Shall never forget, The call that will echo, From near and from far, The howl of mad warriors, All screaming "SHINDAR!" Your homes we will burn, And your fields we'll salt, Your livestock we'll slaughter, It's all your damn fault, (Chorus) Your women and children, We'll leave in the snow, In cold, barren fields, Where nothing will grow, (Chorus)_ We do not fear Death, So hear our words well, When battle is joined, We will send you to HELL! (Final Chorus) Jester of the Shindar Shindar Song T'was a chill and windy day when the longboats pulled to shore, And the Norsemen walked across the rocks a'girded up for war. Full half a day they marched across the barren hills of stone, Until they found a valley where the Shindar made their home. The Shindar working in their fields, they heard a mighty roar, And from the hills the Vikings rushed, their chieftain at the fore. The Shindar fought by twos and threes, with weapon and with hand, Until but twenty there remained to make a final stand. With the hold ablaze around them, they knew that they would die, And then above the sounds of war they heard an eerie cry. It was a howl of vengance promised, a cry of coming death, T'was a sound to shake a brave man's soul and chill his final breath, It was laughter at the carnage, that soon would will the field, T'was the scream of broken sword and the groan of shattered shield. A multi-colored band of rogues fled from the setting sun, With flashing eyes and flashing swords to battle did they run. What Norsemen turned to face them felt the touch of Shindar spears, And those that did not die of wounds began to die of fear. The battle raged throughout the hold, a battle to the last, No mercy to be given and no mercy to be asked. The chieftains battled through the flames, a battle to the end, One chieftain battled to destroy the other to defend. With a sword blade in his belly, the Viking chief did die, His killer stood above his corpse and screamed a joyful cry. It was a howl of vengance promised, A cry of coming death, T'was a sound to shake a brave man's soul and chill his final breath. It was laughter at the carnage, that soon would fill the field, T'was the scream of broken sword and the groan of shattered shield. By ones and twos into the hills the Vikings they all fled, And in the burning hold they left their wounded and their dead. The Shindar did not stop the fight nor let the Norsemen flee, But driven by the madness they pursued them to the sea. The Vikings found their boats aflame and turned to make a stand, And died a Viking warrior's death amidst the rocks and sand. Well the Shindar Scouts are out there, you'll never know just where, And mayhem is their livliehood and carnage is their fare. Sometimes before a battle and before their arrows fly, The Shindar scouts will gather and they'll sound their lonesome cry. It is a howl of vengance promised, A cry of coming death, It's a sound to shake a brave man's soul and chill his final breath. It is laughter at the carnage that soon will fill the field, It's the scream of broken sword and the groan of shattered shield. Baltazar Baltazar, O Baltazar! Your name does not rhyme! Baltazar, O Baltazar! It's just a matter of time! Baltazar, O Baltazar! O brave leader clever! Baltazar, O Baltazar! Lead the Shindar forever! Baltazar, O Baltazar! Your name makes foes tremble! Baltazar, O Baltazar! You look like the Grendel! Baltazar, O Baltazar! What more can I say? Baltazar, O Baltazar! I could do this all day! Baltazar, O Baltazar! With dark eyes a-flashing! Baltazar, O Baltazar! Your name is so dashing! Baltazar, O Baltazar! Some call you the mighty! Baltazar, O Baltazar! Thank God you're a righty! Baltazar, O Baltazar! I do this in fun! Baltazar, O Baltazar! But I'm nearly done! Baltazar, O Baltazar! We all hope you'll stay! Baltazar, O Baltazar! You make us so gay! Baltazar, O Baltazar! Please try not to moan! Baltazar, O Baltazar! I'll leave you alone! Lucillus the Mad Poet 1991 On Top of Mt. Freddy (To the tune of "On Top of Old Smokey") The Shindar were marching, With weapons at ready, They came on the Romans, Enjoying old Freddy. The Romans were startled, And started to run, But the Shindar were lauging, They had so much fun. To catch the old Romans, As unguarded as that, Said Balty to his Shindar: "I'm sure it's a trap!" The Romans were angry, And formed themselves up, The charged at the Shindar, Saying, "Run, you young pups!" And now were the Shindar, Startled in turn, They knew that they still had, So much more to learn. The battle was fierce then, And the day it was won, When Caesar crushed Balty, Then the Shindar did run. Now I'm sure there are some folks, Who cannot recall, The date of this battle, Or the truth of it all. If it's truth that you're seeking, You're fresh out of luck, For you see that like most songs, I made it all up! Lucillus the Mad Poet 1991 Celtic Night Out (Sung to the tune of "Do you hear what I hear?" and dedicated to: Morgan Graymael) Said the horse to the little lamb: "Do you hear what I hear? Footsteps in the night little lamb. Do you hear what I hear? A Celt! A Celt! Coming in the night, Let us try to stay out of his sight! My ass is to tired, yours too tight!" Said the lamb to the mighty horse: "Do you see what I see? Coming at us now, from the right! Do you see what I see? A Celt! A Celt! Painted head to toe, He has come to abuse us, I know! Oh why must he do this? Please go!" Said the Celt to the mighty horse: "Do you know why I'm here? See if you can guess, stupid horse! Do you know why I'm here? It's time again! And you have a friend! We will make this a night to recall! I won't stop until I've had you all!" Said the lamb to the painted Celt: "Listen to what I say! While you do the horse, mighty Celt! Listen to what I say! Please spare my ass, There's no need to harass, Can't you be just satisfied with him? Oh please don't cave my bottom in!" Said the Celt to the little lamb: "Listen to me well now! I'll tell you what I'll do, foolish lamb. Listen to me well now! One's not enough! It won't be so tough, You might even enjoy what I do. Why have one when I can you too?" Said the horse to the painted Celt: "Well I hope you're done now! With your act so foul, smelly Celt! Well I hope you're done now! Please leave the lamb! Don't you give a damn? You might hurt the poor little thing. I thank God your friend you didn't bring!" Said the Celt to the horse and lamb: "Won't you quit your whining? Take it like you should, silly beasts! Won't you quit your whining? We had a blast! And I got some ass, It's much better than sex with my wife, And you don't even threaten my life!" Lucillus the Mad Poet 1991 Long Live The Fiend (Far away from me!) Dedicated to Thorak In days of old, When heroes bold, Fought for fame and glory, There was a time, When poems would rhyme, So listen to my story. A warrior strong, With sword so long, The hero of our tale. In Gwynedd's land, He made his stand, His glory now we hail. When he was small, The bards recall, A star blazed in the sky. A wolf he slew, When he was two, He laughed as it did die. When raiders came, He gained his fame, Alone he stood to fight them. Full twelve he slew, The rest they knew, The meaning true of might then. His kinsmen bowed, His enemies cowed, The time had come they deemed, To call him true, So me and you, Now know him as "The Fiend". Without a care, And unaware, Hendrik lay there sleeping. Then said The Fiend: "Lest he be reamed, a watch I'll be a-keeping." With wax he sealed, What he revealed, Hendrick's great moon baring. But did he wake? For Thorak's sake, God loves drunk fools and daring. For those who say, That Thorak's way, Of dealing with a female, Is less than kind. Don't pay no mind! Ask those he tried to nail. While Thorvald slept, The Fiend he kept, Close watch upon his victim. In open face, The Fiend did place, The thing that might have pricked him. At Dragonsgate, He met his fate, When his punch it hit a lady, She held her head, So Thorak said: "You forgive me, don't you baby?" After awhile, She sweetly smiled, Said, "Thorak, that's some hook!" So drunk was he, That he didn't see, The drawstring that she took. Pants in a heap, Around his feet, The found him in a field. In early morn, With look forlorn, A bottle as his shield. She went to talk, The Fiend did balk, Inside his tent he hid. Said, "He's not here! Or even near! Whatever it was he did!" I've stories to tell, Of Pennsic as well, But a curtain we will draw. There's too many tales, My memory fails, To recall all that I saw. First I started, Broken-hearted, A poem to sing him praise. But now it's too late, I've sealed his fate, He cannot change his ways. All those who fail, To join the hail, When Thorak's name we cheer, Should be afraid, Of midnight raids, The Fiend is ever near! Lucillus the Mad Poet 1991 (1990?) Robin Ugh and Little Dog by Valdin (Valdeen) of Aelyntaur Robin Ugh and Little Dog/Running through the forest, Oh da lee da lo da li dal/ Golly what a day. Shindar chasing Robin Ugh/all throughout the forest, Oh da lee da lo da li dal/ Tryin' to get away. Just when the Shindar/were about to capture Robin Ugh, Aelyntaur showed up/to save the day. But now Amy wants to enslave/all the Aelyntaur, Even though the Aelyntaur/saved the day. Now Amy is going out/with Baltazar, Oh da lee da lo da lidal/ Kids are on the way.

---

The views and opinions stated within this web page are those of the author or authors which wrote them and may not reflect the views and opinions of the ISP or account user which hosts the web page. The opinions may or may not be those of the Chairman of The Skeptic Tank.

Return to The Skeptic Tank's main Index page.

E-Mail Fredric L. Rice / The Skeptic Tank