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Date: Wed, 5 Jun 91 17:24:52 -0700 From: thlayli@ucscb.UCSC.EDU (lord thlayli merriadoc valentine of kalakiryande) To: eclipse@reef.cis.ufl.edu Subject: is this list still up? This is a test to find out if this list is still up, and if perhaps I've been deleted from it for some odd reason. --- 314-06 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: jonmon@cadence.com The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O mighty lord Oracle, who is so bloody hugely magnificent that he/she > makes Jehovah look like a toilet cleaner in comparison... > > Do you like Pink Floyd? If so, what's your favourite album? If not, who > do you like? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Do I like Pink Floyd?!? Are you kidding! To me, all human music } sounds like someone hammering nails into an aluminum can. If you were } to listen to my music, it would melt your brain. Seriously, do you } think I would have a personal aesthetic opinion on Pink Floyd? You } might as well ask, "do you like the sound of two rocks banging } together?" The closest humans have ever come to even slightly } acceptable music is "Hotel California" by the Eagles. It's the only } song I can listen to without gnawing my fingers off. } } My favorite album is "Death Song of Larsus." This is no ordinary } album; it is an Epic achievement. Let me tell you how it was made. } Larsus was a bastard child of Zeus and one of the Muses. (It is still } not clear which Muse.) Larsus was a good singer, a VERY good singer. } He could sing lichen off of rocks. He could sing rain of of the sky } and then sing it back into the clouds. He could sing a man to } suicidal depression and then to insane joy within the same minute. } When Larsus sang, the Earth reverberated in harmony. } } Well, in an interesting twist of fate, Hera (Zeus's wife) fell in love } Larsus. Now Hera can be a wee bit intimidating. So, when Larsus was } running for his life from Hera, he accidentally entered the bedroom of } Athena (Zeus's daughter). In order to keep Athena quiet, Larsus sang } her a quiet little love song, and Athena immediately fell in love with } him. Let me tell you, these gods have a complicated sex life. Of } course, Larsus did not love Athena or Hera, he loved one of the muses, } Euterpe, who just happened to be a half sister of his mother. Of } course, Larsus did not know this since his parentage had always been } kept secret. Also, when Larsus was younger, he was told by a seer } that "the love of a sister would kill him." Larsus did not know that } Athena was his sister, but Athena was very good friends with Rondera } (a very minor diety), and Larsus had been led to believe that } Rondera's father, Tandera, was also his father. Tandera would } occasionally "play ball" with Hera, much to the embarrassment of } Rondera. But back to the story. Athena dragged Larsus before Zeus to } tell Zeus that they were going to get married. Zeus, who had been } trying to marry off Athena for years, gave his approval. Of course, } Zeus had long since forgotten who Larsus really was. Larsus } complained bitterly that he loved Euterpe instead. As Larsus said } this, Hera walked in and became very angry. In terror Larsus cried } out for aid from Tandera. Tandera heard the call and came running. } When Tandera entered the room and saw that Hera was furious, he kept } quiet. Rondera heard all of the commotion and came running also. } Rondera decided to use this opportunity to get her father, and she } told Zeus that Hera had been "doing the nasty" with Tandera. At this, } Zeus became very angry. In terror Larsus cried out for aid from } Euterpe. When Euterpe entered the room, she lost all composure. She } told Hera about the true heritage of Larsus. Hera turned on Zeus and } demanded an explanation. Zeus calmly explained that it was all } Larsus's fault, and everybody believed him. After all, Zeus is the } top god for a reason. Hera decided to kill Larsus by suspending him } with a rope over a lake filled with hungry sharks. The rope would } slowly fray for a year until finally Larsus dropped into the lake. } To make a long story short, Larsus tried to save himself by singing } a very exciting song at the lake. (My album has this song.) The song } encapsulated all of the drama and anguish that he had endured in his } short life. The lake became so excited that it boiled, and all } of the sharks were killed. At the moment, the rope broke and Larsus } fell into the lake. He was immediately turned into a tasty stew. The } moral of the story is "you can't bake your lake and meet it too." } } Now don't bother me with your silly Pink Floyd.

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