I told you all that I would be writing a parody that described
my earlier question on the net (I NEED INFO ON FUNNY ST:TNG EPISODE),
and I came through. How well? Read it and find out.
Any comments/questions? Mail them to me. It is difficult for me
to keep track of replies on the net.
Enough chit-chat. Let's get on to the parody.
Disclaimer: Resemblance to any person, living, dead, or fictional is
purely coincidental. There is no intention of violating
any copyright laws. This parody is just for the purpose
of simulatiing the ST:TNG crew in a humorous position.
Now that the lawyers are satisfied , let's begin.
Star Trek: The Next Generation - A Parody
SCENE: The bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise, which is orbiting Earth.
Picard is in the Captain's chair and the rest of the bridge crew
is at their regular posts, except for Wesley. He is in his
quarters preparing for the Away team.
VO: Captain's Log, Stardate 01991.4. The U.S.S. Enterprise
has established standard orbit above Earth. Under the orders of
Admiral Ivan Gottascewluse, we used the slingshot theory used by
the old Enterprise almost a century ago to go back in time to old
Earth. Cmdr. Data indicated that the time is April, 1991. Our
mission is to observe life in the 1990's. An Away team will beam
down shortly to pick up four specimens of young people in the 1990's.
Data: Captain, sensors pick up four teenagers in a city named Orland Park
state of Illinois, country United States of America...
Picard: Enough. Just tell me about them with RELEVANT details.
Data: Preliminary scans indicate that they will not influence history in
any way. Coordinates computed and locked in.
Picard. Very well. At least the Prime Directive will not be violated
and I will not have to surrender the ship...
Picard: What was that, Number One?
Riker: I said "Let's begin," Sir.
Picard: Sure. Ensign
Crusher to Transporter Room 4.
Wesley: FLLUUUUSSHHHHHHHH! On my way Sir!
Picard: Ensign, watch your language! You are a Starfleet Officer. Act
Wesley: Yes Sir! Whaddit I do?
Picard: What was that, Ensign?
Wesley: I'm polishing my shoes, Sir!
Picard: Carry on.
Riker: Sir, I did not expect you so soon.
Picard: Two can play at this game. Go on a diet.
Riker: Excuse me, Sir?
Picard: I was saying why the transporter was so quiet. Chief, what is
Chief: Captain, there is a lack of power for the transporter. We can
beam you down, but we need to recharge the Ni-Cads for a few
hours before we can try again, Sir.
Chief: Yes, Sir, we can use Energizers, but Duracells will do just
Picard: I meant energize the Transporter.
Picard: Sensor readings?
Wesley: Sensors indicate four human beings in the next room, and in the
kitchen area, something seems to be on fire. Seems like
Lisa: I told you guys I cannot cook! Lookit this mess!
COOL! Hey guys, do you know any people who wear pajamas?
Tony: We don't know anyone like that.
Lisa: They are wearing red and have some strange badges.
Bobcat: Sounds like the Fire Department.
Picard: Greetings. I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard.
Annette: How didja get in here? I did not hear the door open.
Picard: We are from the future. We used technology that you do not
know about to arrive here.
Lisa: I thought you were Mister Clean.
Lisa: What did I say wrong? That is like a compliment. Mister Clean is
like a celebrity! OW!
Picard: Data, who is this Mister Clean?
Data: Accessing. Mister Clean was a mythological figure whose portrait
was on bottles of cleaning solutions that were sold in the
twientieth-century. It was used for cleaning floors.
Existing portraits of Mister Clean bear a striking resemblance to
Picard: Interesting. I look like a twentieth century celebrity.
Lisa: And like a bowling ball head.
Bobcat: Captain, do not pay attention to Lisa. Her I.Q. is so low that
it is negative.
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