I told you all that I would be writing a parody that described my earlier question on the

I told you all that I would be writing a parody that described my earlier question on the net (I NEED INFO ON FUNNY ST:TNG EPISODE), and I came through. How well? Read it and find out. Any comments/questions? Mail them to me. It is difficult for me to keep track of replies on the net. Enough chit-chat. Let's get on to the parody. Disclaimer: Resemblance to any person, living, dead, or fictional is purely coincidental. There is no intention of violating any copyright laws. This parody is just for the purpose of simulatiing the ST:TNG crew in a humorous position. Now that the lawyers are satisfied , let's begin. Star Trek: The Next Generation - A Parody SCENE: The bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise, which is orbiting Earth. Picard is in the Captain's chair and the rest of the bridge crew is at their regular posts, except for Wesley. He is in his quarters preparing for the Away team. VO: Captain's Log, Stardate 01991.4. The U.S.S. Enterprise has established standard orbit above Earth. Under the orders of Admiral Ivan Gottascewluse, we used the slingshot theory used by the old Enterprise almost a century ago to go back in time to old Earth. Cmdr. Data indicated that the time is April, 1991. Our mission is to observe life in the 1990's. An Away team will beam down shortly to pick up four specimens of young people in the 1990's. Data: Captain, sensors pick up four teenagers in a city named Orland Park state of Illinois, country United States of America... Picard: Enough. Just tell me about them with RELEVANT details. Data: Preliminary scans indicate that they will not influence history in any way. Coordinates computed and locked in. Picard. Very well. At least the Prime Directive will not be violated and I will not have to surrender the ship... Riker: Again! Picard: What was that, Number One? Riker: I said "Let's begin," Sir. Picard: Sure. Ensign Crusher to Transporter Room 4. Wesley: FLLUUUUSSHHHHHHHH! On my way Sir! Picard: Ensign, watch your language! You are a Starfleet Officer. Act like one. Wesley: Yes Sir! Whaddit I do? Picard: What was that, Ensign? Wesley: I'm polishing my shoes, Sir! Picard: Carry on. Riker: Sir, I did not expect you so soon. Picard: Two can play at this game. Go on a diet. Riker: Excuse me, Sir? Picard: I was saying why the transporter was so quiet. Chief, what is the problem? Chief: Captain, there is a lack of power for the transporter. We can beam you down, but we need to recharge the Ni-Cads for a few hours before we can try again, Sir. Picard: Energize. Chief: Yes, Sir, we can use Energizers, but Duracells will do just fine. Picard: I meant energize the Transporter. Picard: Sensor readings? Wesley: Sensors indicate four human beings in the next room, and in the kitchen area, something seems to be on fire. Seems like microwave pizza. Lisa: I told you guys I cannot cook! Lookit this mess! COOL! Hey guys, do you know any people who wear pajamas? Tony: We don't know anyone like that. Lisa: They are wearing red and have some strange badges. Bobcat: Sounds like the Fire Department. Picard: Greetings. I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard. Annette: How didja get in here? I did not hear the door open. Picard: We are from the future. We used technology that you do not know about to arrive here. Lisa: I thought you were Mister Clean. LISA!!! Lisa: What did I say wrong? That is like a compliment. Mister Clean is like a celebrity! OW! Picard: Data, who is this Mister Clean? Data: Accessing. Mister Clean was a mythological figure whose portrait was on bottles of cleaning solutions that were sold in the twientieth-century. It was used for cleaning floors. Existing portraits of Mister Clean bear a striking resemblance to you, Sir. Picard: Interesting. I look like a twentieth century celebrity. Lisa: And like a bowling ball head. Bobcat: Captain, do not pay attention to Lisa. Her I.Q. is so low that it is negative. Riker: So you agree to go along with our study of life in the 1990's? Captain: Very well, we shall beam up to our ship after Ensign Crusher returns. Bobcat: Problem. Wesley has been caught by the police, and his communicator does not work. Now what do we do? Data: Captain, the police would demand something for bail. We must give them something they want. Picard: We need a medium of exchange. Number one, hand over your donuts. Riker: Yes, Sir. Picard: This should do. Please take this and try to bail Wesley out. Bobcat: I shall try, Captain. Lisa: Will they really let out Wesley for donuts? Annette: If the donuts won't work, then maybe we should give them something they really want. Tony: You don't mean... Annette: Yes, we may have to give them....... Annette: ...Jack Daniel's. Lisa: But won't they get drunk out of their skulls? Tony: Yeah, but that will give Wes-man a chance to escape, with our help, of course. Picard: In the meantime, let me tell you more about my ship. Lisa: Data, you seem kind of pale. When was the last time you had a suntan? Data: I am pale because I am an android. A suntan would not make my complexion any less pale. Lisa: Huh? Tony: Translation. The dude cannot tan because he is a robot-like dude. Lisa: I get it! Bobcat: We're back! The donuts did not work, so we had to use Plan C. Tony: Which was... Bobcat: I told them something about me having a videotape of some police activities involving minorities and baseball bats. Lisa: Gee, I thought that only happened in L.A.! Annette: You don't have a copy of the L.A.P.D. police beating tape, do you? Bobcat: No, but I do have a tape of a police softball game against the black cadets. The cadets won 6-4. Tony: That was very sneaky. Have you ever considered becoming an politician? Bobcat: No, I do have morals, you know. Riker: Riker to Enterprise. Chief: O'Brien here. Riker: When can we beam aboard? Chief: The Ni-Cad batteries are fully recharged. We are ready when you are, Sir. Picard: Enterprise, eight to beam up. Lisa: Ate what? I didn't see him eat anyting! Picard: Energize. Picard: Dr. Crusher, is there room in sickbay for our guests? Crusher: Yes. Lisa: Who's Doctor Crusher? Tony: The Doctor, you stupid! Data: I noticed that Lisa is always struck in the head. Brain damage would probably result. Bobcat: It is not possible to damage something that is not there in the first place. Data: Interesting. SCENE: Ten-forward. Lisa is sitting at a table trying to figure out what this place really is. Dr. Crusher is sitting at a table near the doorway. During voice over, Worf is seen leaving the Bridge and heading for Ten-forward. VO: Captain's log, Stardate 01991.5. The youths have given us valuable information about the 1990's. The crew has been very cooperative in teaching them about the ship. I have noticed one bad side effect: the crew has been acting a little strange lately. It seems that the youths have been teaching a few colloquial mannerisms to the crew. Worf: WHHAASSSSSUPPPP? Crusher: Peace homeboy! Don't have a cow, man! Lisa: AH-CHOO! Crusher: Lisa, are you all right? Lisa: I'm allergic to dogs. Where's the dog? Worf: Shut up Lisa! Lisa: AH-CHOO! Q: You called? Worf: Nobody called you, dweeb. Q: Ah, Worf, always glad to see you. Bobcat: Worf, check out this ghost trap that I have. Too bad I cannot use it. Worf: I know one cool use for it. Excellent!!! Bobcat: Looks like I've done well. I cannot wait to tell the Captain! SCENE: The Bridge. Picard sits in the Captain's chair, while Riker sits next to him stuffing Ding Dongs in his mouth secretly. Bobcat walks in carrying a smoldering ghost trap. Bobcat: Captain! Guess what? I got Q sucked up in here. He will not be giving us any trouble. Picard: Good show! You deserve a commendation. Riker: Looks like the tables are turned in our favor. Q: Help! Let me outta here! I have claustrophobia! Lisa: I did not know that the Enterprise has closets. Everybody on the Bridge except for Lisa: SHUT UP LISA!!! Lisa: I know. I know. Q: Let me out! I'll do anything! Captain, do you want me to say that I need you? Well, I need you! I need you! Annette: How about going on a date with Lisa? Lisa: Eww! Gross! Q: What????!! I'd rather stay here. At least here I can have an intelligent conversation. Picard: Security! Send two men to the bridge. Security: On their way, Sir. Picard: Take this ghost trap to Transporter room 2. Have the chief beam it at his discretion. Security: Aye, Sir. Q: NO!!!! I am all powerful! I am being done in by a ghost trap??!!!? This is not fair!!! Scene: Bridge of the Enterprise. After going back to their time, the Enterprise was placed in repairs and the teens in training. Four years later. Bobcat, Tony, Annette and Lisa went to Starfleet academy and were assigned to the Enterprise. Bobcat was promoted to Commander and was placed in charge of Computer systems and Operations. Tony was promoted to Lieutenant and was placed at the helm, booting out Wesley. Annette made Lieutenant Junior Grade and was placed in Engineering. Lisa was placed in the Maintenance Department. The scene is the Bridge. VO: Captain's log, Stardate 19233.7. With the new crew members on board the Enterprise, we departed Starbase 1923 and proceeded to aid the U.S.S. Brickhead, which is having trouble with the Romulans. Hostilities have subsided. Captain Ivan Idiotsky of the Brickhead informs us that the Romulans have misunderstood a message sent to them. The Enterprise will rendevous with them to try to use diplomatic means to deal with the situation. Picard: Lieutenant Tony, when will we rendevous with the Brickhead? Tony: Five minutes, Sir. We are in viewing range. Picard: On screen. Lisa: Here you go, Sir. Picard: I said "on screen" not "ice cream"! Riker: I'll take that, Ensign. Picard: No. You will stick to that diet. Riker: Yes, Sir. Worf: Sir, the Brickhead is hailing us. Riker: I thought Lisa already left the bridge. Worf: I meant the U.S.S. Brickhead, Sir. Picard: On screen. Worf: It is audio only. Picard: Now you tell me. On speakers. Audio: Enterprise, am I glad to see you! The Romulans have ceased hostilities temporarily, but are not answering our hails! Picard: Lieutenant Worf, hail the Romulan warbird. Worf: Aye, Sir. Oooops! Lisa: Now how does it feel, Worf? Worf: Grrrrrrrr..... Picard: Lieutenant Worf, please explain your actions. Worf: Sir, I pressed the wrong buttons. It will not happen again. Sir, sensors indicate another Romulan ship approaching at warp speed. Picard: Commander Data, what the specifications? Data: It seems to be a Romulan Towing ship. I deduce that the ship that Lieutenant Worf so quickly destroyed in error... Worf: Grrrrrrrr. Data: ...and so efficiently was disabled. Sensors show markings on this approaching ship to have the initials R.S.C., standing for Romulan Starship Club. Tony: Sir, that may be similar to the A.A.A. Motor club. Picard: So it seems that there is no danger from this incident. Data: Correct. Sensors indicate that among the debris from the destroyed ship are containers of Denebian Brandy. Riker: O'Brien, Lock on to the Denebian Brandy and beam it aboard. Bring it to my quarters on deck Eight. Chief: Aye, Sir. Picard: So, the Romulan ship commander was under the ufluence of alcohol? Data: Yes, Sir. I believe the term would be WUI - Warping under the influence. Worf: Sir, the R.S.C. ship is hailing us. Picard: On screen OR audio. R.S.C.: Starship Enterprise, have you seen any Romulan ships around here? Picard: No we have not. Sensors indicate that there is some debris here, but results are inconclusive. Mute. You are under orders to keep this quiet. The Romulans will never understand that it was a KLINGON mistake. Worf: Grrrrr... Picard: Continue. We shall extend every cooperation in searching for them. R.S.C.: Never mind; they were three month's behind on their dues, anyway. R.S.C. out. Picard: Lieutenant, plot a course to starbase 1923. I think I may be sick from this experience. Number One, you have the Com. I will be reporting to Sickbay. Riker: Yes, Sir.