Upgrading David Miscavige's Image
23 May 2001
Michael Reuss <firstname.lastname@example.org>
I'll jump in here and take a bit of credit for the creation of the (*) symbol, or at least for helping to inspire it.
After seeing some of Dave Bird's terrific LRH ASCII art, I postulated that the "Rear" Admiral should be depicted in ASCII art, too. But I thought he should be depicted as Grady Ward depicted him in words, as obsessed with, yet secretly awaiting and anticipating some public buggery.
So I showed the poodle thusly, showing his bendoverness, as it pertains to his being preparedness to get the shaft, as it were.
_ _ ( )*( ) | | | |
The '*" symbol for the all important asshole came straight out of Kurt Vonnegut's "Breakfast of Champions." As the visual center of the piece, the asshole commands the viewer's attention. In fact, the * asshole symbol here, is the perfect essence of David Miscavige.
Note the scrawny little legs, the body bent over at the waist, and the rear view with both cheeks clearly delineated.
But, as everyone here is a critic (duh!), someone suggested that my ASCII art needed a tiny penis and scrotum. Various glyphs were tried, but best one, IMO was the '%' character, which makes for an admittedly crooked little shaft, but hey, Miscavige IS a crooked little shafter, so I think it fits.
_ _ ( )*( ) | | % | |
There was also this version, which added a happy, expectant, smiling face looking back, to see when Bubba, his imaginary future cell mate was coming (and if so, how many times).
_ _ ( )*( ) (-:= | | % | |
I experimented with making the face unhappy or worried looking, but Miscavige has presided over so many acts of public buggery of Scientology's sakred skriptures on the Internet, that one has no choice but to assume he likes it. So a smiley face, it was.
I also very much like Frog2's suggestion about the all-important sphincter being reamed out to a much wider size. There have been several additional years of symbolic public buggery, after all.
_ _ ( )o( ) (-:= | | % | |
He's still smiling, although pretty soon, if things keep going the way they're going, nothing's gonna even touch the sides.
Even as "fine" ASCII art, this symbol didn't give people everything they wanted. What they wanted was a one-line emoticon, which could be used and inserted with written text.
So the emoticon symbol for David Miscavige, the Napolean of Nutz, the lawn ornament, the asthmatic dwarf, the poodle, the Tidy Bowl Man, the "Rear" Admiral, eventually became simply (*).
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