Since some of the materials which describe the $cientology cult could be
considered to be copywritten materials, I have censored myself and The
Skeptic Tank by deleting any and all possible text files which describes
the cult's hidden mythologies.  I have elected to quote just a bit of the
questionable text according to the "Fair Use" legal findings afforded to
those who report.  -  Fredric L. Rice, The Skeptic Tank, 09/Sep/95

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From news.interserv.net!news.sprintlink.net!dish.news.pipex.net!pipex!demon!not-for-mail Mon Jul 10 17:00:51 1995
Path: news.interserv.net!news.sprintlink.net!dish.news.pipex.net!pipex!demon!not-for-mail
From: stark@prostar.com
Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
Subject: A new Scientology song
Date: Thu, 6 Jul 95 19:21:16 PDT
Organization: ProStar Internet Gateway
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A few months ago, someone posted the following (I'm quoting it as best I 
remember)

Diiiiiiiiiiiiianetics
Where the wind goes whooshing through your brain! 
It'll sure be neat
When that piece of meat
Is rid of every ache and paaaaiiiiin!


Which has inspired me to write another fine Scientology song, this one to 
the tune of "Everything's up to date in Kansas City", from the musical 
Oklahoma.



I went into the org on a Friday
By Saturday I'd learned a thing or two
Cause up to then I didn't have an idea
Of what the modern world was coming to
I saw some people screaming at ashtrays 
And some who sat and stared for hours on end
Then they all applauded to a dead man's photograph
And said "L. Ron Hubbard is man's best friend!"
                               
Everything's up to date in Scientology
They've gone about as far as they can go
They've got their own dictator who's barely 5 feet tall
About as high as a dictator ought to grow!

Everything's like a dream in Scientology
Better than science fiction, don't you know
They've even got an e-meter past lives machine
For 300 an hour you can see a dandy show!
Once I saw an emperor named Xenu
Who threw me right into a volcano
"Your needle is floating!", said the auditor with zeal
It seemed so scientific, and the meter made me feel
That everything I fantasized was absolutely real!
They've gone about as far as they can go, yes sir!
They've gone about as far as they can go.

Everything's up to date in Scientology
They've gone about as far as they can go
They've got a concentration camp they call the RPF
They'll lock you in if you should try to blow!
You'll run around a pole all day in scorching summer heat
Or just run everywhere you go with blisters on your feet
And wearing filthy rags your degredation is complete!
They've gone about as far as they can go,
They've gone about as far as they can go!


Stark

(btw, thanks to Chris Schafmeister for the phrase "past lives machine")