Archive Message - 1995
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From braintree!news.sprintlink.net!psgrain!nntp.teleport.com!ip-pdx11-19.teleport.com!user Wed Sep 27 15:57:00 1995 Path: braintree!news.sprintlink.net!psgrain!nntp.teleport.com!ip-pdx11-19.teleport.com!user From: million@grubby.wognet.con (Andy Million) Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Subject: PRESS RELEASE - CHURCH CONTROLS COURTS Followup-To: alt.religion.scientology Date: Fri, 22 Sep 1995 22:17:42 -0800 Organization: Rotundity Pudge Factor Lines: 60 Message-ID: <troutman-220995221742@ip-pdx11-19.teleport.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: ip-pdx09-49.teleport.com Hi, everybody! Andy Million here! No, I'm not Andy Milne. NOT! I am (not) Andrew Milne! There. Let's get crackin'. Mistress Kelena has commanded that I write to you to give you an update on the many good things that have been happening with respect to Scientology. She also commands that I dispel some of the unfortunate disinformation that has been spread here by some of the haters and bigots on this newsgroup. She has promised me that if I do well, she will let me slather my body with Vaseline and play with her Irish Wolfhound to please her further. There have been rumors going around that judges in Colorado and Virginia have ruled to vacate their writs of seizure against the enemies of the church. This is not true. Ummm...okay, the untrue part is "there have been rumors going around." Actually, this is a bald, undisguised fact, so stop speculating. Speculation makes me nervous, since it almost contains the word, "speculum." Anyway, before you wogs start celebrating too hard, let me bring you back to Earth (a little Clear joke -- hennhh hennhh hennnhhh) by informing you that this whole charade was planned. That's right! We *intended* for this to happen. You see, the Superior Beings in OSA got together one day, and it occurred to them that no one had actually proved that a judge would humiliate the Church if we engaged in the unjustified harassment of innocent people. They therefore decided that it was important to know this for sure, since a good trouncing in court could be an invaluable asset to Operation Foot Bullet. So, we got writs and raided some people. Sure enough, the Church is getting pounded, so it looks like Operation Foot Bullet is moving right along! We also have a pretty good idea of what time Justice Breyer's dog takes his morning walk, but I'll be talking more about that later. So, anyway, if you're celebrating, you're doing it prematurely. We have big surprises planned for the Internet, but we won't tell you about them until they can do the Church the *maximum* harm possible. We keep right on expanding, pretending to close orgs to fool the critics! Well, I have to go. I have to glue jingle bells to my penis before Kelena returns from work. Bye for now! Andy Million -- This humorous yet informative little interlude brought to you by, Troutman, Defender of Sticks troutman@teleport.com The above message is satire and is not in any way intended to represent the speech, actions or opinions of any real person. Only a truly stupid person would think that I was writing about them, in my opinion. "*WHACK* jinglejinglejingle... *WHACK* jinglejingHAHAHAhee hee hee..." - Richard D. Piskevinaugh

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