Scientology Crime Syndicate

Subject: Troutman repost: Unauthorized music possession on ars
From: Rob_Clark@justicemail.com (Rob Clark)
Date: Fri, 11 Jun 1999 21:00:59 GMT

From: kkk@nutcom.duh (King Kobra)
Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
Subject: Unathorized music possession on a.r.s.
Followup-To: alt.religion.scientology
Date: Thu, 17 Aug 1995 23:18:46 -0800
Organization: Bottom Feeders 'R' Us
Lines: 58
NNTP-Posting-Host: ip-pdx6-36.teleport.com

Dear alt.religion.scientology readers:

I represent Ridiculous Technology Center ("RTC"), the owner of the minds, bodies and actions of Scientologists everywhere, and the holder of the exclusive rights under the copyrights applicable to anything that any Scientologist might do. Among these Scientologists is Robert Mucous, also known as "The Masturbating Weasel". The voluntarily signed papers of enslavement for this Scientologist are registered with the United States Scientology office under No. THX-303-555-1212.

I have been informed that many of you are in possession of records, tapes, compact discs, and printed lyrics and songsheets of a musical group known as "The Rolling Stones." This group is in violation of the copyright of the Scientology- Rock group of the same name, headlined by Robert Mucous. Your possession violates Mucous' legal rights in that you possess unauthorized copies of songs, melodies and lyrics that Robert Mucous was just about to write. In addition, the process of getting a Scientologist to perform any creative and vaguely spontaneous activity is a valuable one to the Church and constitutes a trade secret. Your possession of evidence that he was just about to be creative is a violation of this trade secret.

It is essential that you take immediate and effective action to remove all unauthorized copies of this material from your home and other storage areas you might own. You are also to delete these and any other songs from anywhere else you might have saved, transcribed, stored, copied, imaged or otherwised preserved them for posterity.

Your use and enjoyment of these materials is *not* fair use. I repeat, it is just *not* fair. United States courts routinely find that many people are guilty of copyright infringement; you, therefore, are guilty as well.

I will expect an immediate response from you with a frightened and deferential statement of your willingness to comply with these demands. If you do not comply immediately, I will have no recourse.

Kelen King Kobra


This fun, little interlude brought to you by,

Troutman, Defender of Sticks

"The above message was created for the purposes of satire. It in no way is intended to represent the actual speech or actions of any real person."

"So, you know this is part two of a two-part joke, right? Sticky thought you would get it, but I just wanted to make sure. If you missed part 1, look for a Mucous-post." - Richard D. Piskevinaugh

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